


Long Road To Home

by D7Victor



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, F/M, Hiking, appalachian trail
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-03-09 06:43:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 30,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3240098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/D7Victor/pseuds/D7Victor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern Joniss AU<br/>Johanna was a casualty of her past. Everything she knew came crashing to a halt one night and left her with nothing but the clothes on her back and a check her ex-fiance left for her out of pity. Being left with nothing means there is nothing left to lose, so Johanna set her eyes on the Appalachian Trail in hopes to figure out how to rearrange her life back to proper order. Along the trail, she meets a variety of personalities, each one carving a special place in her new found life. The group finds themselves trusting in each other to survive the long haul hike from Georgia to Maine. And some of them find themselves involved in more than just a close friendship.<br/>I do not own any of these characters.<br/>Content warning: occasional mention of suicide and abuse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Springer Mountain

**Author's Note:**

> So, I have been working day and night over this since October. It originally started as a project for National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo; check it out!) and I fell so in love with the story and interaction between the characters that I just had to continue it past the 50,000 word minimum. As of right now, the entire thing is three-quarters done, meaning this will get very regular updating. So, prepare to fly by the seat of your pants.

This was not the place I ever expected to find myself. This was not the situation I had dreamed of. And this was certainly not the direction my life had been going. Five years ago, I had met the perfect person. One year ago, I had been engaged. Everything had started to improve after I hit what was, at the time, rock bottom. That was not the case anymore. This was worse than rock bottom. Six months ago, the engagement was called off, I was kicked out of my family, and there was no one left in my life. I was left to figure out the rest on my own.

I stood on top of Springer Mountain, facing north and taking deep breaths to keep myself from turning around. Waiting ahead was just over 2,180 miles of forested mountains and wilderness. This was where I expected to find solace from the life that now weighed me down. I wanted to be freed of my past so I came to the Appalachian Trail.

The sign next to me marked the beginning of the trail. The stone and imprinted metal was cool beneath my touch as my hand rested on top. My mind started racing and my heart pounded in my chest as my eyes looked down at the sign:

 

Appalachian National Scenic Trail.

Springer Mountain.

Elevation 3782’.

Southern Terminus.

Chattahoochee National Forest.

 

There was no going back now; there was nothing to go back to. I took my first steps forward, scared of the unknown path ahead.

 

_“I can’t do this anymore.” Johanna mumbled, placing her silverware down on the plate in front of her. She looked up at her fiancé with tear-filled eyes. For months, she had been troubled by thoughts of doubt and the realization that she no longer loved the man in front of her._

_“What?” He stared at her with a confused look._

_“I can’t do this anymore.” This time she said it with more force, more meaning._

_“Do what?”_

_“Us. I can’t seem to love you anymore. I feel lost, something is wrong. I’m so sorry.” She ran her hand through her hair then pushed tears away from her eyes._

_Her fiancé continued to just stare, obviously taken aback by the sudden change. “If something is wrong, we can work together to fix it.”_

_“No. This is not a you and me situation, this is just me. I have something wrong, like an existential crisis has been storing itself inside of me and it is getting ready to explode.” Her words were rushed as her heart began pounding hard, filling her with anxiety._

_“I can help you, that is what-“_

_“No! Quit trying to fix this!” Johanna slammed her first on the table and stood up. “You cannot help me. I cannot love you anymore. I don’t know why but I can’t and you have to understand that this will never work again.” She yanked the engagement ring off with shaking hands and placed it on the table between them. “I’m so sorry.” With that, she started walking off to the front door but her fiancé stood up and grabbed her arm. She pulled away from his grip. “Do not touch me!”_

_“Johanna, calm down. We need to talk about this. You can’t just storm out after telling me that you quit a week before our wedding.”_

_“Don’t fucking tell me to calm down. And I am not quitting. I am giving both of us an out before we end up married and miserable because one of us is not committed. Right now, I cannot talk about this more. I need time to think, you need time to think.” Without another word or glance, she walked out of the house and to her car._

Nights are often filled with small terrors, taking me back through past mistakes and issues that I am still coming to terms with. Every time I thought of something I wanted to escape, my subconscious did nothing but make it all more prominent. The terrors occurred on such a regular basis that I started to fear going to sleep. It has been close to a year since I last had a solid night of sleep.

After a long first day of hiking alone, I sat in front of the tiny light that the pocket stove produced. Despite my exhaustion from day one, I could not get myself to stay asleep. My feet throbbed and back ached from the heavy pack. The terrain had been moderately rough and even though I made good pace, it still felt like I still on the same mountain that I started on. Maybe I had been walking in a giant circle without knowing it. Circling or not, the day had been slightly lonely. All the hikers I passed had been with a partner, someone to take in the whole experience with. They tried to make small talk with me, asking me questions about why I started the hike and when I expected to finish and why I was hiking alone. My unamused look was off-putting though. That was fine though, I did not want to make contact with them anyway.

But the night was worse than the stupid small talk and overload of questions. It was pitch black outside, other than the artificial light I have in front of me. The pines were dense enough to block out any glimmer from the moon but the stars above could be seen through the leaves above. There were distant noises coming from birds who were probably chirping to each other about this human below them. They would probably see hundreds of people like me in their lifetime. You can’t help but wonder what they think. Why can’t this human sleep? What is her problem? Why doesn’t she just fly away like we do? Little do they know that I did fly away and I did it with my wings being clipped. 

I sat outside my tent for close to an hour and there had yet to be a change in the sky so I went back inside in hopes to fall asleep long enough for it to be morning the next time I woke up.

_Once she ran down the porch steps, she ran to her car and started the engine right away, air from her heaving breathing visible in the cold night air. The car peeled out as she punched the gas pedal down, taking off down the country road. Tears filled her eyes, making it nearly impossible to see what was in front of her. Johanna swore that she knew the road by heart though, all of the twists and turns._

_Then there was a sudden blow to the car and an impact to her chest, pushing air from her lungs while slamming her back into the seat. Glass shattered in front of her and cut her, adding to the burning sensation on her forearms and face. Johanna blinked, trying to make sense of what had happened. Smoke rose from the smashed up car hood. Her right hand went to her back pocket, fumbling as it pulled out her cell phone. Her vision was still blurred as she dialed 911._

_“Hello? I have been in an accident… I don’t know… Yeah. I think I hit a deer or a fence. I don’t know… air bag, windshield broke…” She gave the best street details she could and hung up, dropping the phone in the cup holder next to the seat. A chilling breeze rushed in from where the windshield once was. “Fuck. FUCK!” The words kept repeating from her mouth, becoming drawn out and hoarser every time. Her fists beat the steering wheel as her body shook with anger and shock._

_Paramedics arrived several minutes later and assisted her from the car, to the ambulance, and to the hospital. She sat on the bed and only talked when questioned. Otherwise, there was no reason to talk. Hours passed before they let her leave with a line of stitches in her forehead and bandages wrapped over the slight burns on her forearms. No one had picked up their phones when she called. No one visited her or came to the rescue. She tried to accept that this was how it was going to be but she made her way to her mother’s house anyway._

I involuntarily woke with the sun to ward off the night. The sooner it was done the better. I lay there in the tent, tucked into my sleeping bag, shivering from the cold morning air outside. It was crisp and welcoming though. The air was fresh with dew over the leaves and trees, giving the entire forest a strong earthen smell. Unzipping the bag and pulling back the top brought in more air so I fumbled through my pack to get to my fleece jacket, yanking it on with gratitude for its warmth.

My neck was stiff and my body was sore from the previous day which made getting out of the tent difficult. I slowly stood up and groaned from the effort. Once my feet were below me, I started the pocket stove and began to boil water for oatmeal. It was one of my least favorite foods to eat; the texture was awful and slimy but the lightness made it easy to pack on the trail. With much defeat, I accepted that I was going to eat it and with that, it would become either my most loved or hated breakfast after this trip.

Letting the water boil, I walked off to relieve myself and grab my hanging bear bag with the food in it. As I walked back to the small site, there was a moment when I stopped and realized that I was in silence. The morning was filled with nothing but the crunching of my footsteps on leaves. This was something I had not heard in an incredibly long time and it felt great. No one was here directing my life, just a path suggesting the way. Even the birds were quiet this morning. If the next six months were going to be this peaceful, I was confident already that I never wanted to return to reality. The soreness would go away eventually.

Upon my return, the water was boiling. I made my food, ate it with some struggle, and quickly cleaned and packed up. I splashed water on my face and pulled my hair back into a small, tousled ponytail before pulling the pack on and clipping the buckles. My small tomahawk ax was strapped to my belt.

Once back on the trail, I made pace to stay ahead of schedule. The sun was beginning to rise over the taller ridges in the distance and the warmth began pushing through the trees. A breeze kept it chilly out though so I didn’t bother to remove my jacket. As I admired the distant mountains through the trees, a large rustling noise came from my left. Quickly, my hand unbuckled the ax holster and rested on the head of the weapon, ready to pull it out in attack.

A tall man popped out from the thicket and stumbled onto the trail. His hair was blonde and disheveled as much as mine. He was very handsome, gorgeous almost, and tan. It was almost like he could only be described in a romance novel. A classic look.

“Ah, an axe murderer.” A large grin pushed across his face as he turned to face me.

“Who are you?” There was no way of knowing if I could trust him. He seemed friendly enough but after my experiences, trust did not exactly come as second nature. There are plenty of reasons to trust people, but it takes more of those reasons to offset one reason not to trust someone. And often enough, it only takes one person to ruin it for the rest of humanity.

“Finnick Odair. And you?” He stepped towards me and extended a hand to shake.

I slowly moved my hand from atop the axe and accepted the gesture. “Johanna Mason.”

“Mason. A strong last name, though the ax could tell anyone that. Where are you from?” His disposition never ceased of being warm.

Again with the annoying small talk. “Why do you want to know? If you don’t mind, I’m going to continue on my way.” He stepped aside as I pushed passed him and picked up the pace of walking, hoping to get back to being alone but there were steps behind me.

“Running late for a meeting?” He was effortlessly keeping up with me, his stride obviously larger than my own. It probably took two of my strides to keep up with his one. “Is it an important meeting? Would they mind if I joined? Should we have dressed better? I didn’t exactly pack a tie…”

“Stop!” The word jumped from my mouth before I had time to think about it. I whipped around and stopped Finnick dead in his tracks. “I’m not here to make conversation. I’m not here to make jokes, and frankly, yours suck. And I’m not here to be picked on by some silly little man who barged through the woods. I’m here to be alone. Now, stop bothering me. Go along your own way.”

He simply nodded at my outburst before grinning with a white-toothed smile. Everything about him was perfect and it was annoying. “Silly? Yes. Little? Not so much.” He winked with the same grin. I groaned from the self-preservation he provided.

All of my patience was already gone. “Really? That’s what you have to say to that?” I turned on my heel and took off walking again, agreeing with myself to just ignore him until he went away. It worked on animals and small children; certainly it would work on him.

Finnick simply followed though. His persistence was slightly admirable but mostly annoying. “You know, you can’t just literally walk away from your problems. That’s not how this works. You have to face them and that’s why people come out here, to face what they are walking from. It’s not just accomplishing going from point A to point B, it’s figuring out where your puzzle piece fits in this world. Mason, it’s a big world and you are but a single human on this mountain ridge.”

My stride never faltered as I tried to hike away from him. “You are my problem right now and I can very much walk away from you. And when did you become a philosopher?”

“You can walk away from me but you’re not going to get rid of me until you face me and tell me you don’t want me to hike with you anymore. And I became a philosopher the first time I finished this trail.”

There was silence between us for a minute as I thought his words over. “Why are you hiking it again?”

“Perspective. I went southbound last time, now I am going northbound.” His voice was filled with optimism, making it obvious that he was a pathetic romantic.

But I rolled my eyes at his reasoning. “Perspective. What a joke.”

“You say that now, but just you wait and see what I mean. There is something in these hills that change you.” He tapped my pack with one of his metal hiking sticks and we continued in silence. And we stayed silent until we stopped for a water break, sharing the sitting space of a large rock. Finnick looked over at me. “I’m guessing you just started the hike?”

I simply nodded as my vision took in the forest. It was a continuous stretch of pines and oaks and small shrubs lining the trailside. Leaves and pine needles covered the forest floor. Maybe if I entertained his questions he would leave me alone. “Second day.”

“Second of many. What brings you to challenge the mighty Appalachians?”

My gaze shifted towards him and I found him staring at me with intense interested. Finnick seemed to actually want to listen to every word I had to say. Maybe I could let him in to some personal details just a little. “Um, just about everything. Things felt like they were collapsing so I came out here for fresh air. I guess I’m hoping to wipe the slate clean.”

“Well, there is plenty of fresh air here if that is what you really came for.”

We took several more sips of water. “I’m from Washington, by the way.”

“State or D.C?”

“State, isn’t that a given?”

“It gets confusing on this coast. People call D.C Washington and sometimes you don’t know if they mean the state or district. I’m from southern California.” We smiled at each other, silently acknowledging that we were both from the west coast.

“SoCal. Are you one of those gorgeous surfers that the idiot beach ladies watch all day long?” I winked and raised my eyebrows suggestively. He smiled and reciprocated the look.

“You only wish I was, Mason. They do watch me and follow me around on the beach but that is not what I am after. I want to find that true love; that passionate love where you can’t bear to be apart from that person and you know it’s the same for them.” Finnick took a deep breath and put his water bottle away, throwing his pack onto his shoulders. His reaction showed that there was something deep below the surface of this cheery man. Something that flawed his near perfection. “How about I lead the way for a bit? I got tired of staring at your ass, you can look at mine now.”

Once again, I rolled my eyes at his ridiculous statement. “My dreams come true.” I had to admit that it was nice to finally be around someone who joked with me. My ex-fiancé and his friends were always serious and when they did make jokes, they were far from funny, majority of them being misogynistic in nature.

We hiked quietly for a long time. It gave me a chance to take in the wilderness again. The terrain had been easy with only a slight incline the entire morning. Tall grasses lined the trail as well as sparse trees. Every now and again patches of random flowers would appear: Columbine, Bluets, Trillium. I would point them out to Finnick and he would listen with such intensity every time. This is what made me like him. No one ever listened to me. Now that there was someone, I started thinking twice about hoping he would leave me alone. Not even twenty-four hours into knowing him, I needed him to stay because I needed a person that would stay and listen.

“So, what was collapsing?” Finnick’s voice broke into my thoughts.

It took me a minute to remember what he was asking about. With much effort, I decided to engage in the conversation. “I broke up with my fiancé a week before our wedding.”

“Wow. Did not see that one coming.”

“Neither did he.”

He snorted in amusement at my comment. Maybe there was finally someone that enjoyed my wit just as much as me. “Why did you cut it off?”

This was a question I was still trying to find a complete answer to. “So far I have two reasons: I no longer loved him and I figured out that yes, I like guys but I don’t want to be in a long-term relationship with them. If I am going to marry someone, I want it to be a woman.”

I could see him nodding his head as I hiked behind. “Two perfectly acceptable reasons. When did you meet?”

“I met my once fiancé during our freshman year of college and we were together for a while and then it just seemed like I couldn’t do it anymore.” Finnick made a humming acknowledgement and nodded once more. Again, there was a silence and I took the opportunity to congratulate myself on actually conversing with someone.

As I looked around, I realized that it felt natural being there. No one expected anything; there was no agenda other than getting to my mapped out checkpoints. And Finnick seemed to feel the same though I guess he loved the ocean more than the woods. “So, you came looking for that true love in the mountains?” I teased at him a bit but he replied in a more serious tone than expeced.

“You never know what you will find here. I mostly came back here to be with people who understand what I am doing here.”

“Understand what?” Just like any other self-proclaimed philosopher, he was far from clear.

“Why the hell would someone want to leave everything behind and hike over twenty-one hundred miles?” We both started breathing heavily as the terrain began cutting back a forth, elevating on the side of the mountain. “Leaving everything you have is hard. You know that part, obviously. Once you get out here though, you question why it took so long. Everything out here is easy. You wake up, you hike, you eat, you hike, you eat more, you sleep. Everything out here is the pure basics of life. Instinct and survival.” His explanation left me speechless, mostly because it made perfect sense and it put into words what I had been thinking all these years but was unable to put into words.

Our conversations were intermitted so the next few hours were filled mostly with just forest noise and the occasional chatter of day hikers that came and went. Both of us understood the pleasure of silence and that was what ultimately led to me deciding to keep him around. Finnick created company without the need or pressure to always have entertainment. The more we small talked though, the more I wanted to know about him. What did he do back in California? What was his family like? Who was he off the trail?

As the sun began to set, we agreed to set up camp and once we found an area off the trail, we both sat on the ground and started making our dinners. Ramen noodle packs were a basic necessity due to their light weight but mostly I looked forward to the carbs and salt.

“Why do you carry the ax?”

“My dad was a forester so I grew up with it. Figured I would need some sort of protection, so why not something I’m proficient at using?” My fingers slid across the holster absent-mindedly as I thought about my father. He would be proud that I was out here trying to rewrite my future.

Finnick continued talking, mostly asking me about tree species and obviously taking mental notes. Night fell quickly and ended our talk as we moved to our respective tents. I lay down and waited for the usual thoughts to invade my mind. They were persistent even when I was exhausted.

 

_“Johanna! What are you doing here? It’s the middle of the night. You’re going to wake your sisters!” Her mother stood in the front doorway of the house in a robe and slippers, hand on her hip. She had been woken from her sleep and her voice was filled with irritation. And Johanna knew that her mother preferred to never see her again._

_“Not even going to act concerned about the stitches on my face or anything?” Johanna locked eyes with the woman, both of them challenging each other. It had always been like this between them. Johanna was a rebellious child who never abided by her mother’s views. “I guess not. We called it off. I just wanted to come here and get some sleep.” She wished the woman would move from the doorway so she could go to her old room, the now guest bedroom._

_“What do you mean you called it off?”_

_“I am no longer engaged, that’s what I mean. Now, can I come in and get some sleep? We can talk about it in the morning.” Johanna stepped forward but the doorway was blocked more._

_“Does this have anything to do with you being one of those people?” The words felt like venom being spit in her face. Johanna’s father had been a very relaxed man, accepting who his children were and only wanting the best for them. Her mom, on the other hand, was the opposite and grew up with a strict upbringing on following certain ways and she trickled it down to her children. Johanna had no idea how her father had dealt with this bitch of a woman._

_“Part of it is because I am bisexual, yes. Now let me in, please.”_

_“No ma’am. You will not step another foot closer to this house. I do not want you influencing my children with your horrible ways.”_

_“You’re children? You mean my sisters? I have every right to be around them. I am your child too, if you remember. Just let me inside!” She moved forward but the mother shoved her, sending her stumbling backwards on the porch._

_“You listen to me, Johanna. You do not come near this house again. I do not consider you my child. Any child of mine would never be as vulgar as you. You are rotten, you are a bad influence, and you are the reason why your father killed himself. I want nothing to do with you. And if you don’t get out of here, I will call the cops and I will make sure you are arrested and never able to come back here again.” The woman had deepened her voice and was pointing an accusing finger at Johanna._

_Rage built inside of her and she grabbed the woman, pinning her against the door frame. “You’re the bad influence and we both know his death was no else’s fault but his own, so do not put that on me!” Johanna locked eyes with her mother. “You are a heinous, disgusting bitch. Go ahead and call the cops, I dare you.” She let go and just as she was turning to walk away, a hard slap landed across her cheek._

_“Go to hell!”_

_Johanna was unaffected by the sting on her cheek, used to her mother’s abuse. “I’ll see you there.” She hurried down the path to the driveway and made her way down the sidewalk, shivering from the cool air and lack of jacket. Her hands pushed deep in the pockets of her skinny jeans. There was nowhere else to run; there were no friends or extra family to fall back on. This was only the beginning of what lay ahead._

_Her feet led her to the main street shopping strip just a half mile down the road. Neon store lights and street lamps lit the way, pushing her in and out of shadows. There was a bench just outside the park that she took a seat on. Everything was starting to happen too quickly. All of her life she had been a slight outcast. Once her father died, she completely shut down. He was the only person who completely understood and loved her for what she was: angry, depressed, abused. He made her mother go to therapy in hopes to save their marriage and to help her manage the obvious hatred for their oldest daughter._

_None of it helped though. After he committed suicide a few months before her eighteenth birthday, everything got worse. She slept with the door locked and a light on, her father’s tomahawk near the bed. She took the abuse though if it meant keeping her mother from potentially harming her two younger sisters. The woman never laid a hand on the younger girls though. That made Johanna less nervous to move out when she went to college purely to escape._

_Her eyes filled with warm tears and she inhaled the cold air sharply, exhaling to watch the air come from her mouth. At this moment, she felt like a stranger to her own life and there was no way of introducing herself back in to it. It was foreign and unknown. Nothing was ever going back to normalcy after tonight._

_A siren broke the silence, followed by two others. Three cop cars pulled up with their lights flashing and cornered her. “Shit. That fucking bitch.” Knowing very much who did this and why, she stood up and waited for an officer to approach. But no one ever came up to her._

_Johanna looked around and realized the cops were guarding themselves behind their car doors with guns pulled and ready. “Are you serious?” She shook her head and chuckled in anger. When she moved, the officers became more protective._

_“Put your hands up. If you have anything in them, drop it to the ground now.”_

_She sighed and put her hands in the air, showing her palms to them. An officer walked slowly towards her, gun held by his side. Johanna rolled her eyes. “Can you not approach me with a gun? I’m not going to resist or give you a reason to use it.”_

_He hesitated before placing the weapon back in the holster on his hip. “Down on the ground, now.” She did as instructed. He patted her down and pulled her left arm behind her back. “I am placing you under arrest for breaking and entering and for assault.” The officer stated her rights but she didn’t hear any of them, all of it being blocked out by the furious thoughts rushing through her mind. If her father was still alive, none of this would be happening._

 

By time I emerged from my tent, Finnick was already outside and eating. His smile greeted me and I did everything I could to give him some form of a smirk in return. A bit of facial hair was starting to show up along his jaw line and cheeks. All I could think of was how ridiculous he was going to look with a beard. No man as gorgeous as him could look good with the beard of a mountain man.

“Good morning, Axes. How’d you sleep?” He took a bite of his breakfast and I could tell that he was asking out of concern. There is rarely a night where I don’t talk or scream in my sleep but he didn’t need to know that. He was a stranger and strangers don’t deserve to know that intimate of details. Instead, I decided to veer the topic. 

“Axes? What is that supposed to mean?” A spot in the underbrush across from him made for a comfortable seat as I distracted myself with making oatmeal. To think I once hated the shit; now I craved it because it no longer mattered what I ate. I just wanted food to settle my growling stomach.

Finnick chuckled and looked at me with a flawless smile. “Everyone on the trail gets a trail name. I’ve decided that yours is Axes, because of, well, the ax.” He obviously thought he was clever.

I didn’t look up from making my meal. “And what is yours?”

“It is super lame.”

A small exhale of laughter escaped my mouth as I immediately thought of a snide comment. “Super lame is a good name. Very strong.” I looked up to find him staring at me with an amused grin. Did he ever wipe the happiness off his face? It was starting to get annoying and disconcerting.

“Ha… Ha…. My super lame trail name is Water Guru.”

I nearly choked on my spit at his trail name. The laughter continued to push through until I was gasping for air with tears filled my eyes. My sides began to cramp up. “Super lame is a better trail name than Water Guru. What the hell is that?” I tamed my laughter into a mild chuckle. Finnick was very much amused by my reaction.

“Nice to see you know how to laugh. I know it is awful but I have nothing else to change it too.” He shrugged and continued eating.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and started stirring the now hot water into the oatmeal. A few minutes passed as we both ate. “What about a new name relating to water? What about something that matched mine?”

His eyes narrowed. “Are you suggesting we get matching names and continue hiking together?”

“And what if I am?” My eyes challenged him as the stupid grin reappeared on his face.

“Trail names are like tattoos. They stay with you the rest of your life. You are essentially suggesting we get matching tattoos.”

“Quit being overdramatic. Tattoos can be removed or covered with new ones so yes, I am suggesting you change your trail name to match mine.” I rolled my eyes and stuffed my mouth with the disgusting instant slop. The texture still made me want to gag.

“And what do you suggest, my dear Axes?” His sarcastic overtone made me grin. I was not attracted to him, but his cunning wit and sarcasm made me happy. It was nice to have someone who spoke my kind of language.

“What about Trident or something?”

He stood up abruptly with excitement. “I love it! To this day forward, I will be known as Trident. Now, let’s get going. Finish eating and I will pack up your tent.” At least one of us was a morning person. I finished my food and we picked up the area, making sure we left minimal evidence of being there.

The morning went by quickly but soon turned towards the worst after lunch as we watched storm clouds develop over distance ridges. The clouds were ominous and moving fast towards us, shifting the large curtain of rain in every direction. Every few minutes a bolt of lightning sent thunder booming through the sky.

As we reached the peak of a ridge, we both stopped and looked out at the storm. Wind started pushing hard and the trees around us started to sway. Finnick took off his pack and started to pull out the waterproof covering and I followed suit. I also took out my rain jacket and zipped it all the way up, not really wanting to be touched by rain.

“We should probably get off this ridge soon.” Finnick stated, looking back out to the storm system.

“Why do you say-,” a crashing noise interrupted my sentence and a vibe of electricity was sent through the air, causing the hair on my arms and neck stand at attention. “Yes. Let’s get the fuck out of here.” Without another word, I took off running down the trail. I was not comfortable with getting electrocuted by lightning, let alone walking in the rain. The thought of it made my stomach lurch.

My feet moved fast and Finnick was right behind me, keeping up with his larger stride. Rain started initially falling drop by drop but became a steady downpour soon after. The dirt started to become mud which caused me to slip and fall backwards. Finnick pulled me off the ground and pushed my momentum back down the hill, almost sending me tumbling forward. He tripped soon after me, his foot catching a tree branch I had managed to avoid. I turned around and pulled him up.

We ran down the hill until we came upon a stone building. The path went right through it, going underneath a roof. As we stopped under the cover, I leaned over and gasped for air. My lungs were aching but I could not suck up enough air to make them stop. I had just run from lightning. Every time it sounded in the distance, my body shuddered with anxiety.

A door to the building opened and a man with a bushy beard walked out. He was wearing hiking attire and a nametag. “Hey! You two just escape from the rain?”

Finnick stood up straight and nodded. “Yeah. Just ran down from the ridge. I hate to be forward but do you know any way to get to town so we can check into a hostel and dry off?”

“Sure, no problem! Is she okay?”

I tried to stand up in response to his question but the stitch in my pain wouldn’t let me so I stayed bent over. “I’m okay.” As soon as the bearded man went back inside, I threw my pack off and collapsed to the ground. My shorts were drenched and stuck to my already cold and mud-covered legs. I closed my eyes and tried to calm the anxiety but the sound of the rain did not help. My stomach ached. My eyes closed even tighter as I tried to block everything out.

“What’s up? You don’t look okay.” I opened my eyes to see Finnick kneeling in front of me.

“It’s nothing. I just don’t like water all that much.” Our eyes met, mine pleading for him not to ask any more questions. He knew there was something more but he accepted my answer.

“If you need help, I’m here for you the next two thousand miles. Got it?” He patted my shoulder before standing up. I gave him a simple nod and thank you.

The bearded made returned with car keys in his hand. “Alright. My car is just around the corner.” We jogged through the rain and threw the bags in the trunk once we got to the car. There were towels for us to sit on in the backseat as he drove us down the road to a nearby hostel. With a wave goodbye, he drove off as Finnick and I walked inside. I was shivering the entire time we checked in and got escorted to the room we were apparently sharing with another girl who had arrived an hour earlier.

When we walked in, she was sitting on the bottom of a bunk bed, reading a well worn book. She looked up and met my stare with gray eyes. Everything within me stopped. The ticking in my mind from the rush of anxiety was muted. My body’s shivering was filled with warmth. My heart and mind reset itself so they finally worked on the same plane again. It took everything in me to look away but still my eyes averted back to hers.

“Johanna?”

The voice snapped my mind back to reality. “What?” The word came out in a snap, sending both Finnick and the girl to have confused looks.

“I was just introducing you. Johanna, this is Katniss.” His hand gestured to the brunette with a long braid resting on her shoulder.

“Katniss? As in the plant genus Saggitaria? Thought to be named after Sagittarius because of the typical arrow shape of the flower.” I didn’t know where the word vomit came from but it fell out of my mouth and I instantly regretted it. But she seemed to enjoy it.

“How do you know that?” Her voice was deeper than I was expecting, with some scratch to it. Dark eyebrows raised in curiosity as she looked at me.

“I went to school for natural history and forestry. Why, do I look like someone who wouldn’t go to college?” My unintentional anger reared its ugly head but I shrugged it off as I walked to the bottom bunk across the way from her. I unbuckled my pack and pulled out fresh clothes. They would both soon learn that I had zero modesty.

With some struggle, I yanked my water-logged shirt off and threw it on the floor, soon followed by my sports bra, hiking shorts, and underwear. Finnick looked up from digging through his bag and smiled with amusement. His eyes shifted to Katniss and I wondered why, so I turned around.

There was a look of terror and unease across her face. Her eyes looked me up and down but I pretended not to notice for her sake. This was a moment to take advantage of though. I leaned against the side of the bunk bed and grinned widely at her, more than confident with my body being fully visible and leaving nothing to the imagination. “So, Katniss, are you good with shooting arrows?  Your name suggests so.”

Her face looked down at her book once I acknowledged her. “Um… yes. Very good.”

“Very good? Are there any other things you are very good at?” My grin only became wider the more she blushed and became visibly uncomfortable. It was endearing watching her squirm with very obvious innocence.

I glanced to Finnick and he looked at me, giving a look of ‘enough is enough’. With a roll of my eyes, I pulled on the dry clothes and took the wet ones to the dryer down the hall.

 

_Johanna sat in the chair as the police officer dabbed her fingertips in ink and rolled them across a stock card. The jail was quiet this time of night, or early morning, depending on who you talked to. Her booking was finally done and they escorted her down a row to an empty holding cell._

_“You will stay here until we get further notice on where to put you. Get comfortable, you won’t be moving soon.” The officer pushed her into the cell and slammed the door behind, locking it before walking away. Her hands were now cuffed in front of her. They refused to let her out of them because of the assault charges._

_She sat on a bench and leaned against the hard wall behind her. This was not the first time her mother called the cops on her for something but all the other times she managed to get out of being arrested. A large exhale escaped from her with realization that no one would meet her bail and that she was bound to end up serving time. The system was screwed up and her mother got away with a lot because of it._

 

There was a pressure on my shoulder that sent me to roll over and grab whatever it was. I had become a light sleeper out of fear of my mother. What I grabbed tried to jerk away but my grip only tightened. My eyes flew open and the silhouette of a girl with wavy hair fell into my vision. Katniss. I released my hand after noticing the slight fear in her eyes. “Sorry.” 

She rubbed at her wrist and looked down at me now with concern. Her voice was soft as she spoke. “You were tossing and talking loudly. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m fucking fine. Leave me alone, brainless.” The words came out mean but defense was the only mode I knew well in moments like these.

“Okay. I’m sorry I woke you.” She left after the apology, irritation obviously filling the air. Why did she care? She didn’t know me so there was no reasoning behind it. It’s not like I was an integral part of her life.

I sighed and turned over to face away from her, falling back asleep after willing myself.

There were no more disturbances until the morning when Finnick dropped my bag on top of my feet. I jolted up and looked around.

“Calm down, crazy. The hostel owner made breakfast so get up and get dressed. I’m hungry.” He walked out of the room as I pulled my fleece jacket out.

Pushing my hair out of my face, I looked over and realized Katniss was gone already. Great. I would never see her again and my last words to her were “leave me the fuck alone.” It felt like a piece of me deflated, even more so when I looked out the window and realized it was still raining. This trip was getting miserable very quick.

We managed to hitch a ride back to the trail. The middle age couple that helped us out probably thought we were the oddest couple. Finnick had been dancing on the side of the road to direct attention to us while I stood with my hands in my jacket pockets, looking like a miserable dog someone left in the rain. We thanked them and they gave us each a ten dollar bill, calling it a well wish and trail magic.

“Do you often get tipped for your dancing?” I looked up at him and managed to smirk when he nodded.

“You would be surprised. I’m a great dancer. That act on the side of the road was simply a warm-up.” He gave me one of his signature perfect-teeth smiles. “Maybe I’ll show you just how good I am later.”

I shook my head. “How many girls have rejected you?”

“Only you. You, my sweet axe-bearing princess, play hard to get and I do like a challenge.” He winked and started off down the trail, obviously wanting to have the last words.

I jogged to catch up with him. “Don’t call me princess ever again!”

“Why not? You can call me prince charming if you want.” He started chuckling at his own joke as I groaned with frustration.

“You are not charming. If you were charming, I would have let you into my pants by now.” It was the honest truth, mostly because I craved any form of intimacy right now.

“So, you’re saying I have a chance?”

An amused grin grew on my face. “You will have to try very hard, my gorgeous King of the Sea.” Finnick was fun to mess with.

“Did Katniss seem a bit of a prude?” The topic change was sudden and the mention of her name sent my stomach turning. There was a good possibility that was also related to the rain.

“Did you see how red she turned when I was naked? It’s not like any of us haven’t seen a naked body before.”

“I was intimidated, not going to lie. You have a very stunning body. Nice abs. Makes me feel ashamed of my own.” Finnick glanced over his shoulder at me.

“You just earned yourself a gold star. Only a few more and you may just earn yourself another peek.” I bit my lower lip and raised my eyebrows at him when he glanced over his shoulder again.  
“Doubt it. Was it just me or were you instantly smitten with her?” There was a teasing tone behind the question.

I thought about his words and decided not to answer. Instead, I listen to the rain against the hood of my jacket and willed away the anxiety building inside my chest. Maybe it was best that the conversation continue. “I’ve not smitten. I don’t get attached to people very easily.”

“Are you saying that you are not attached to me?”

“Not one bit. I could leave you right here and now and not think another thought about it.”

“Now, I find that difficult to believe. You have kept me around for some reason.”

“I’m not the attached one, you are though. You’re the one that followed me when we crossed paths.” This silenced him for a minute while he thought of a reply.

“You are brutally honest.” There was a hint of hurt in his response.

I shrugged it off. “Why else do you think I don’t get attached? I have no one to get attached to because I’m too honest for everyone.” It was true. No one liked my honesty and they were all too afraid to call me out on my bullshit. It was only a matter of time before Finnick would get tired of it and dismiss himself as well.

He objected though. “I won’t leave. I like you and it is refreshing to be around someone with no inhibitions. Now, tell me some facts about oak trees.” It’s like he knew when to change subjects. Just another reason to keep him around.

I thought about his request. “Well, they are very important trees, especially on the Appalachians. Oaks carry acorns, which are a food source for birds and mammals, you know, bears, deer, and I believe quails. There are two major groups: red oaks and white oaks. The red oaks have pointed lobes on their leaves and the white oaks are the rounded leaves. They are very easy to identify, as well as the pine and birch.”

“Fascinating.” I watched him gaze around before pointing to a patch of grass and flowers. “Those are Bluets? Tell me about those.”

“Yes.” Finnick was a quick learner. Telling him facts was fun and I enjoyed the game, though it was becoming obvious that he figured out that I needed distraction from the rain. “Latin name caerulea, meaning sky blue, which describes the color of their four petals. They have a yellow eye in the center. Often found in grassy patches, like what you pointed out.”

He stopped and pointed to a flower we had yet to pass. “What is this and why does it smell?”

I chuckled at his comment. “That is trillium, probably the most common spring wildflower. There are many species and they always have sets of threes. Three petals, three sepals, three leaves. That disgusting smell is used to attract carrion flies to help with pollination.”

“I would not pollinate anything that smelled like this.” Finnick scrunched his nose and continued down the muddy trail.

“You would be a very picky fly, wouldn’t you?”

“Not picky, just in search of the right flower.” I imagined his eyes looking dreamily ahead.

“Did you just make being a fly a romantic thing? You’re disgusting.” I laughed to myself and looked around, realizing that the rain had cleared up. The sky was still dull with gray clouds threatening to rain more but for now my shoulders relaxed in relief.

 

The next three days went by quickly. We met other hikers at the trail shelter and hostel the first two nights. The terrain moved up and down but the ridges always boosted beautiful views of the mountains surrounding us. Finnick and I discussed random things, mostly anything that was not about our personal lives. He told me stories about the surfing competitions he had won and how he dropped out of school to become a fisherman. I told him all about forestry and stories about my dad and I going camping. He knew my father was dead but I didn’t tell him what exactly happened and he never asked, but out of obvious respect, not disinterest.


	2. North Carolina

The eighth day on the trail proved to be tough, not so much in terrain but because our bodies adjusting to the strenuous work. My calves and thighs had been stiff for days and my back ached when we stopped for the night. Finnick and I would each spend a few minutes rubbing each other’s neck to help loosen up some of the knots. It was strange letting a person I just met that close to me. Barely a week in to this trek and I trusted him more than I ever did my fiancé. We worked well with each other so I accepted it as it was.

Being in the middle of nowhere was just as strange. It is not just the normal out-in-the-woods camping. We were in the Appalachians, with no civilization nearby except the occasional town we came close to. If we ran out of food, there was no nearby store. If one of us got injured, there was no hospital and maybe just enough phone signal to call for help. The thought of all that was disconcerting and it sent small rushes of anxiety through my body.

Despite the seclusion, we did pass by other hikers; some of them day hikers and other thru-hikers making it to the end of their migration south. I only ever interacted with Finnick, even when we ran into those random folks. Finnick on the other hand would make polite conversation. Whenever there were girls, they typically flocked and hovered to him while I sat back and watched him struggle. This was one of those moments.

I sat on a rock that overlooked a nice panoramic view of the Appalachians. Occasionally I would look at it but it was too amusing watching the three girls flirt with Finnick. To me, he was obviously uncomfortable. His eyes glanced around and avoided eye contact with any of them and he shifted his weight often, pivoting slowly so he eventually faced me. But he had mastered covering all that up with his perfect smile and beamingly bright eyes. At a point, one girl touched his arm and let at a high-pitched giggle. I couldn’t help but mock her under my breath. “Finnick, you are so fucking funny. I wish my boyfriend were here to get jealous… eeehhh… blah.”

Another pushed herself more into his view. Rolling my eyes, I looked down to see the nail chipped on my middle finger. I started biting at it in hopes to smooth it out. When I finally looked back to Finnick, still biting at my nail, they were all looking at me. The three girls had disgust written on their faces while Finnick was holding back laughter. I pulled my finger away and flicked them off, sending them turning back around to find the hunk they were talking to already walking away back towards me.

He looked down at me. “Okay, look. I am sorry for this but I told them you were my girlfriend because they were getting way too touchy. They don’t believe me so I’m going to have to kiss you.”

My jaw dropped. “No. It is your fault for being gorgeous, not mine. I should not be punished for your issues.” I crossed my arms as I looked up at him, shaking my head.

“Axes, please, don’t do this.” He leaned down and started to pull me in for a hug. I pulled away.

“No, no, no. Not my problem.”

“Johanna, help me out. They are awful and I need them to go away.”

With a glance over his shoulder, I saw the girls still standing there, watching us interact. It was sad that they put all their hopes and dreams on this helplessly romantic man-child. “No.”

“Jo. Sweetie.”

“Do not call me sweetie, I will punch you.” He managed to pull me into a hug and squeeze the life out. It was a nice hug but not enough to convince me to kiss him.

“I will buy you a big lunch in five days when we stop to resupply. A giant lunch. As many burgers as you can eat, with fries, and a huge soda. Ice cream. I will buy you so much food that you won’t know what to do about it.”

“Are you trying to talk me into kissing you by talking about food in a sensual manner?” He pulled away at my question and kneeled in front of me. The girls started walking towards us.

“They will follow us if you don’t kiss me. One of them asked if they could all join us for the day. I don’t want that and neither do you. Take one for the team.” Finnick’s eyes were filled with plea.

He was right though. And if they followed us, I would eventually chase them off with my ax in hand but I didn’t want to deal with them in the first place. It was time to put on the act that I had done for so long with my fiancé. “What are we going to do with all that food?” I placed my hand on his cheek and looked at him with a grin.

“I will do whatever you want. It will be hot and delicious.” He winked.

“Will you put it in your mouth and swallow?” The grin on my face grew wider as he choked back his laughter.

“Yes.”

I laughed in amusement before leaning forward to place my lips on his. We skipped to the details and pushed our tongues together, making out with desperation in order to get the point across to his stalkers. I opened my eyes to see the girls scuffing and turning away, hiking down the trail we had just come from.

I pulled away and we stared at each other, both of us with a mischievous grin across our faces.

He held my hands in his. “You, my dear, are dirty.”

“And you, sir, are easy.” I pulled my hands away and pushed him over onto his ass before throwing on my pack and walking away. A minute later, his large footsteps came jogging behind me. “Are you happy now?”

“I am, thank you. I can’t wait to buy you lunch in a few days.” His relieved tone bemused me.

Our day continued on as normal, a lot of it being quiet from both of us absorbing the surroundings. There would be openings in the trees and the landscape could be seen for miles. Some of them showed small towns nestled in valleys in the distance. Finnick continued to ask me random questions about flowers and trees. He would often stare off dreaming about something as I spoke but he still managed to hear me.

I used the silence to think even more about where I was in the world and my life. It was all I really had left to think about. Twenty-three, a failure with an expensive degree, having done nothing but wreck havoc in others lives. I had cut out all pieces of family, the perfect fiancé, the warm home. My sisters probably thought I was the worst person now for leaving them behind. I would give anything for them to not see me as a disaster. But it goes without saying, I was a disaster.

All I wanted was to start living again. There was baggage holding me back, slowing me to a glacial pace. My brutal honesty was not just to others but with myself as well. I honestly didn’t want to be here hiking this trail but it was the only place to go. I wasn’t wanted anywhere but this trail accepted me. Nature did not care if I was bisexual, abandoned, a disappointment, or any other trait that made others dismiss me. Nature was just as brutally honest as I was but it was also accepting. She opened her arms to warm me and to guide me forward, just as she had done when I was a child and when I lost my father.

I missed my sisters. That was always a pain in my chest. Seventeen and twelve. Everything I had done to protect them was likely useless by now. It brought tears to my eyes just thinking about the slight possibility that they could be getting treated the same way as I did. They had become the reasons for me to push forward. They were my shining lights and I had done nothing but dampen their brightness.

And as long as I was being honest with myself, my fiancé never really mattered that much to me. He was nice and I cared about him but he was otherwise useless. He was always focused on work or making sure I was okay. When I convinced him to have sex, it was subpar and far from fulfilling. Often enough, he treated me like I was a fragile piece of glass. I would get angry at him every time, telling him that I may be damaged but I am not weak.

And it held true to this very day. I have been through many things but I have stayed as strong as my body willed me to be. My father had told me once that it takes more than one hit to fell a hearty tree. He was most likely giving me basic lumberjack advice but my mind took it to heart. I had been hit many times but it would take a lot more to send me crashing down.

Night came, leaving Finnick and I to our typical routine. Dinner, hang the food in bear bags, neck rubs, sleep. We kept it low key, telling each other jokes and trying to our best to leave the day on a good note. It made nights a little less bad.

* * *

 

The next morning started the same, just as routine as the end of the day for us already. Wake up, eat, pack, and get back on the trail. It was simple living.

Today was a little different though. The temperature had dropped over night and I shivered until we started moving. We trekked slowly up the steep trail, our breaths visible in the cold air, moving towards the one hundred mile marker right before Albert Mountain. The first milestone had finally been reached. As we made it to the top of the ridge, we cheered and gave each other high fives. The day celebrated with us, supplying a cloudless sky and a warming sun. I sighed and basked in the rays, never wanting to move.

Finnick and I stood shoulder to shoulder, looking around. There was a beautiful opening in front of us and an old fire tower to our left. We both took off our packs and made our way to the tower.

“These structures were used by wildland firefighters for watch. They were made so the people on duty could live up here for several days at a time.” Finnick started rounding off facts about the structure while we made our way up the metal stairs. Nearly four flights up, we were halted by a closed hatch but Finnick noticed it was unlocked and pushed it opened so we could climb the rest of the way to the top. It was an empty square room with a balcony wrapping around the outside. I walked to the railing and looked out at the view: a perfect three-sixty at the mountains. The ridges and valleys were perfectly visible, seeming to stretch endlessly on the horizon. Trees covered the landscape and were thick enough that the trail below us was barely visible. My heart pounded with excitement as I took it all in. Everything was still and calm, only a small breeze cutting through the air. Things were where they were meant to be and there was a purpose for them. It was inspiring. I took the deepest breath I could, inhaling the pine and oak scents.

Both of us admired the view in silence for several minutes before heading back down the tower to eat lunch, sitting on the rock bed and facing towards the opening, making small talk about the remainder of our route before reaching the next shelter.

The day passed just like the miles we hiked. The next two days after that were better since our bodies finally started adjusting and the soreness slowly fell away. My back no longer ached but started to feel strong. Finnick had taken up singing though which made my ears hurt. He was slightly off key and it was the same song over and over again. Sometimes the same line because he couldn’t remember the rest. This gave proof that he has the mannerism of an overgrown child.

It had finally become too much. “Finnick, who sings that song?”

He stopped and turned around. “Blues Traveler. Why?”

“Let’s keep it that way.” I walked right passed him, smiling at the shocked look on his face.

“There you go, hurting my feelings again.”

“You will deal, I promise.” We continued on, smartass Finnick finishing off the day by annoying me with very subtle humming instead.

* * *

 

Day twelve was bound to be tough. We were going to lose thirty-five hundred feet in elevation and then climb close to the same amount back up in just over twelve miles. The sections were appropriately called the Jump-off and the Jump-up. By time we made it completely down the mountain, our knees were throbbing with pain.

In the valley was the Nanthahala Outdoor Center. I opted to have Finnick buy me lunch later on down the trail when we could get something hefty and substantial, not that the amount of food we bought was insignificant. After inhaling the multiple sandwiches, we walked around the N.O.C to resupply. We stocked up on dehydrated foods and I bought us freeze dried ice cream bars. Finnick bought new insoles for his boots and the hiking sticks were on sale so I invested in a better pair.

Both of the purchases paid off quickly. The hike back up was strenuous and I questioned why I had succumbed to this hike. We had to stop several times for water and to give our legs a break. Every time we started again, my knees creaked in agony and my old ankle injury was starting to flare up.

It was dinner time when we finally reached the Sassafras Gap Shelter. As we approached the wood hut, there were signs of someone already being there. I recognized the pack hanging from the outside ceiling hook and smiled to myself. And to confirm the facts, she poked her head out of the shelter to likely see who or what was approaching.

“Bow and arrow girl. Nice to see you again!” I gave her a wink as I unbuckled the waist and chest straps on my pack. She nodded to me in return; obviously not keen of my nickname for her.

“Hey! Didn’t expect to see you again!” Finnick walked up to her and greeted her with a hug that she was very uncomfortable to receive. Either she was socially awkward or she just didn’t like us. “How has the trail been?”

“It’s been fine.” Katniss walked into the three-walled shelter and walked back out with food in hand. She ate it silently as Finnick and I stretched out. The shelter was nice. There was a space where four people could sleep on the floor and then there was a large bunk loft a few feet above it, where another three people could lay. A covered patio had two benches for sitting. Simple, plain and all we really needed this deep into the woods.

“There is a spring behind here, if you need water.” Katniss spoke between bites.

“Thanks.” Finnick gave her a smile. “I’ll go fill the bottles.” He gestured for us to give them to him so we did. Neither of us was going to complain about someone else doing the grunt work of refilling and filtering the water. The process was decently annoying.

I stood up and pulled Finnick and I’s pocket stoves out of our bags to start connecting them to their tanks. “Where is your next stop?”

“Cable Gap.” She seemed to never speak more than she needed to, a vast contrast to Finnick.

“That is ours as well. Why are you hiking alone?”

“I don’t know. I started out alone and figured that’s how it would stay.”

I rolled my eyes. “That’s what I thought too, and then Finnick followed me like a lost puppy.”

“Wait, you two are not together?”

Laughter broke from my mouth. What a hell of a thing to assume. “No, I would not date him. Not my type. Too much of a romantic. I’m pretty sure I’m not his type either, not sensitive enough.” That made her chuckle and I smiled at her amusement. She was cute when she laughed. This meant I would have to find ways to make that happen more often but I was more of a sarcastic asshole than comedian. “You should hike with us.”

“No, I can’t.”

“Why not? Look, we are in the middle of nowhere so the chances of something happening are low but it is not safe to hike alone.”

She raised her eyebrows as if to challenge my statement. “You were hiking alone before Finnick.”

“But, unlike you, I have an ax for protection.”

“Why did you choose an ax over a person then?”

“You probably have people back home, right? Family and friends?” She nodded to my question. “You have a better reason to be hiking with someone else so you can return home, safe and sound. I have no home to return to. Now, please hike with us.”

“Is this your way of trying to protect me or something?” Her response was sharp and slightly insulting to my unusually kind gesture.

“You know what, it just might be. Are you always like this when someone tries to help?” I stood up in frustration, walking away towards the spring.

* * *

 

_Johanna sat in the chair behind the table, staring at the judge, refusing to make eye contact with the woman at the table parallel to her side. They had been there for an hour now. She had been interrogated like she was a hard-pressed criminal with an intense record. It was all an act though. Her mother was playing the role of a victim all too well. Every time she spoke, she exaggerated every last detail._

_“Mrs. Mason wishes to drop all charges.” The words fell from the judge’s lips and surprised Johanna. Her eyes finally shifted over and saw her mother staring her down with a deep glare she had seen so many times before. “Instead, she is asking that a domestic violence restraining order be placed. Qualifying offenses include: recent physical violence, threats of physical violence, harassment, and verbal abuse. It requests that the violator, Johanna Mason, will not contact any member of the immediate family; will remain at least one hundred feet from immediate family; must be fully removed from any claimed property; relinquish any property owned; cannot possess firearms; and $1,000 restitution. This order will expire in two years.”_

_Johanna’s mouth dropped at all of the requests. Her stare went from the judge to mother and back. She went to looking at the wall behind the judge and sat in silence unless spoken to. When the judge made everything final and dismissed the court, everyone stood and began exiting._

_Johanna looked over at the woman and shook her head. “I bet you think you are doing me a favor, letting the charges go and leaving me with a restraining order instead. I hope all of this catches up with you.” She couldn’t believe what was happening. For years, Johanna had requested a restraining order, showing proof of actual abuse. And yet no one listened to her. Her mother always blamed it on self-defense from a violent child or that there had been self-harm involved. The one time Johanna decided to really stand up against her mother and she was the one getting restrained._

_There were other things discussed but Johanna moved her gaze, now looking over to see her sisters staring at her. They both had been crying and it hurt that she could no longer comfort them. “I’m sorry.” The words were silent on her lips as she closed her eyes, not wanting to watch them walk away._

_“Good luck, Johanna.” Her mother spit the three words to her before walking away with a pompous strut. Johanna did not acknowledge her; she refused to give her the satisfaction. The girl stood up and straightened her shirt before walking out of the courtroom, head held as high as possible._

* * *

 

Day thirteen was uneventful, though it was obvious that Katniss did not find Finnick and me as funny as we thought we were. She probably felt like she agreed to hike with two children but she stayed around so we could not have been that awful. It was nice to have her hiking with us.

 

* * *

 

_“A restraining order? I’m sorry, Jo.” Her once fiancé looked across the table with his usual thoughtful eyes as he stirred cream into his coffee._

_“I don’t know what to do. I don’t have the restitution money.” Johanna ran her fingers through her hair before taking a sip of her water._

_They sat in silence before her fiancé sighed before reaching in his pocket. “Look, I know you will want to reject the offer, but I have this for you.” He slid a piece of paper across the table. Johanna took it and stared for a while, shocked. It was a check for $5,000._

_“I- I don’t need your charity.” She slid the paper back to him but he refused to take it back._

_“Look. When we were engaged, I told you not to work because I had both of us covered comfortably and I wanted you to enjoy going off and doing things. Because of that, you don’t have money in your bank account so this is the very least I can do for you.”_

_“I can’t accept this. That’s a lot of money.”_

_“I know but it is nothing compared to what I make and have saved, you know that. Please, Johanna, take the money, establish yourself, pay the restitution. You are smart and very skilled and have a lot of potential.” His words were the most sincere ones she had heard in a while._

_Johanna nodded slowly and pushed the check into her pocket. “Why are you doing this?”_

_He shrugged and smiled at her. “You broke my heart and what I thought was my future, but I still care about you.”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“I know.” He finished off his coffee and stood up. “Take care, okay?” She looked up at him and nodded before he walked off. It was oddly heartbreaking to watch him walk away without saying another word._

* * *

 

I woke up to the sound of rain drops pelting the shelter. Just what I needed: a rainy day after two consecutive nights of restless sleep. And it was chilly out so I curled up inside my sleeping bag more, wishing to sleep, not wanting to leave the comfort of cover.

“Axes, how much longer are you sleeping for?” Finnick’s voice pierced the air and I hated him for even talking to me.

“Shut up!” I curled up further to ignore him.

“We have to hit the trail soon or else we are going to get behind. It’s a short day, only six and a half miles.” My eyes opened to see him kneeling next to, my pack in his lap. “Look, we have breakfast ready for you. All you have to do is get up. I will pack your bag but then we have to go.”

“Fine, just shut the hell up.” Slowly, I crawled out of my comfort and snatched my pack out of his lap. I rolled the sleeping bag up and pushed it into the bottom compartment on the bag, staring at Finnick the entire time, trying to prove a point of how irritated I was. He handed my boots to me before walking off back to Katniss. They were talking softly to each other, occasionally glancing over. 

As soon as I finished the breakfast they made, we started trudging down the trail, trying our best to avoid the mud on our descent down the mountain. A dull headache formed in the back of my head, right above my neck. And my heart kept a steady pounding rhythm in my chest.

“Why are you so miserable around rain?” Katniss was barely audible over the now pouring droplets. I pretended to not hear her but she repeated the question again so I stopped and turned around, facing her.

“It is none of your business.” My voice cracked as I tried to beat out the sound around us.

“I decided to hike two thousand miles with you, it is my business on why you don’t like rain. Are you always like this when someone tries to help?”

I could not believe that she had just used my own words against me. “It doesn’t matter. I’m perfectly fine.”

She looked at me with slight disbelief and it was obvious that her thoughts were turning, trying to think of a response. Just from looking at her I could tell that she thought and worried too much. I almost felt bad for snapping at her but she opened her mouth to finally say something and my reaction was the lash about before words even came out.

“Fuck off! I don’t need your fucking help!” I turned away and slipped on the mud a bit, luckily catching myself before storming off down the trail trying my best to keep my footing. It didn’t matter if they were behind me right now. I needed to be alone.

Rainy days made me destructive. It had become second nature. They often passed in a blur but that didn’t stop me from wanting to become a kamikaze to everyone and everything around me. The world became hostile on rainy days and it pissed me off more than usual. Over the years, I learned to contain the urge to explode but some days the internal screaming was too loud to keep suppressed.

We made it to the Fontana Dam Shelter before lunch. I retreated to my own corner in the shelter and stayed there until the next morning, just like the rain. It had lightened up but remained steady as we crossed the land dam with water on both sides of it. The trail was slick as we made it back up the mountain and across the Tennessee border on the first day of May, none of us speaking a single word to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As per usual, I apologize for how long it takes me to update. The new job is very tiring and I'm staving off sickness.
> 
> Thank you for all of the positive feedback so far! Reviews are appreciated. :)


	3. The Great Smokey Mountains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: abuse.

I hated the Smoky Mountains as soon as we stepped foot on them. Of course, that was unfair of me to dislike them because of the weather. The rain slowed down significantly and eventually stopped in the afternoon, leaving fog and low-lying clouds. My mood lightened but my body was exhausted from the inability to sleep. It was ridiculous to think that my mother would appear in the middle of the woods but anxiety makes your brain speculate silly things. I wish I could just cut the rope and let her existence fall away. It’s just really hard to rid yourself of something that made such a deep cut in your life.

Our conversations were soft that night. Both Finnick and Katniss made sure to keep the topics on the lines of distraction, which I hated and appreciated at the same time. My mind was too tired to bother telling them to stop lightly stepping around me.

And if things could get worse, they did because the next two days brought on and off rain as well. The other two made intermittent conversation with me as if to check and see if I was still breathing. My pulse was still there but it was beating rapidly with deep internal anxiety. I kept my breath steady and moved on though, step by step. The more I walked the farther I got from what put me here in the first place.

 

* * *

 

_The bath was warm and Johanna welcomed it as she eased herself to the bottom. She closed her eyes and rested her head back against the tub. It had been a week since her father died so this was the first time there was silence around her. Her mind eased and body relaxed as she slowly drifted into a meditative state._

_Then there was a crashing noise outside the door. Johanna’s eyes snapped open and went straight to the doorknob. She didn’t lock it. Just as she realized that, the door slammed opened and her mother stumbled in, her hand clutching to a bottle of tequila. The woman turned to her and smiled._

_“There you are, my sweet child.” She walked carefully over to the bathtub and sat on the edge. “My dear misdirected daughter.” Johanna flinched as her mother’s hand reached out and touched the side of her cheek. “Why do you scare at my touch?”_

_“I don’t want to be touched, especially by you.”_

_“Now, we all know that is a lie. I have heard about all the boys and girls you have slept with already. You are only seventeen. What’s the rush?”_

_“It gets me away from you.” Johanna anticipated a slap across the face but nothing came. Instead, she found the woman staring at her with a drunken gaze._

_“Why do you want to get away from me? I take such good care of you and your sisters. I love all three of you.” She took a long drink from the bottle._

_“You have a bad way of showing it. Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” Johanna reached out to take the bottle from the woman but only had her hand pushed away._

_“Don’t you dare, Johanna.” A familiar glare fell across her mother’s face and Johanna knew now that she was in trouble if she didn’t try to escape. She tried to stand up with urgency but the woman grabbed her shoulders and shoved her down, submerging her and the bottle of tequila in the water._

_Johanna gasped from surprise and inhaled a mouth full of water. She immediately started choking, unable to push or pull air into her body. Her feet pushed against the other end of the bathtub to keep her from going farther down. With wide eyed struggle, she reached out and grabbed whatever her hands could reach. A bottle of something. She started moving her arms wildly, eventually clipping the woman hard enough for her grip to loosen._

_Johanna sat up immediately and gasped for air, leaning over the tub and coughing up water from her lungs. Her eyes glanced up to see the woman standing, clutching the glass alcohol bottle once again. “You little bitch. You’re the reason he killed himself, you and your disgusting life.” She swung the bottle at Johanna but the girl managed to duck and send the bottle crashing into the wall, breaking the bottle in half. Glass shards fell into the tub, pricking into Johanna’s skin as she tried to move out the way._

_Before she could get out, she was submerged under water once again, the glass pieces now grinding into her. Her eyes opened to the sight of faint red in the water. Panic really set in now and she gathered every bit of strength to push herself out of the water._

_With the gained momentum, she stood up and pushed the woman off of her, giving her time to get out of the tub. She tried to run but the water on the floor caused Johanna to slip and fall to her back as she grabbed her towel. Without hesitation, she stood up but her mother lashed out as she did so, the other half of the broken glass weapon clipping her on the chest. It stung and she began to bleed immediately but Johanna darted from the bathroom while wrapping the towel around her. She rushed down the stairs, slipping once again on the wood floor._

_With little grace, Johanna managed to catch herself but her ankle did not take the landing well. She groaned in pain while limping to the front coat closet and grabbed one of her longer winter jackets and a pair of boots. Her mother was screaming in hysterics upstairs as she opened the door and left. Snow covered the ground and the wind cut right through the jacket to her bare skin._

_She hurried to her car and bent down in front of the bumper, her hand searching for the spare key that was taped underneath. The front door opened and her mother came rushing out, still screaming. Her nearly numb fingers found the key and she raced to get the driver’s door open, the ankle slowing her down dramatically. The key fell from her hand and she cursed. Quickly, she gathered it from off the ice covered driveway and pushed it into the lock, throwing herself into the car when the lock clicked open._

_Her mother slammed the broken tequila bottle into the passenger window, cracking it slightly. Johanna shoved the key into the ignition and started up the engine, pushing the gear into reverse. The woman followed her until she slammed into drive, the vehicle staling on the ice before finally gaining traction and taking off down the street._

_Within minutes she made it to her at-the-time boyfriend’s, once fiancé’s house. His parents were away on an anniversary vacation so it was safe. She pounded her fists against the door and started crying, scared that her mother would show up before he let her inside. But the door open and she leaped passed her boyfriend, yelling at him to close and lock the door, to lock everything._

_“Johanna, what the hell?” He looked at her in shock, not understanding what was happening. She gasped for air as she sat down in the foyer. “Please don’t ask. Not right now.” Sobs erupted from her as he pulled her into his arms. He soon pushed her away and looked down at her chest, noticing the large cut across it._

_“That looks deep. We need to get you to the hospital.”_

_“No! No. I can’t go to the hospital. If I go, they will call my mom.” Johanna couldn’t see through her tear-filled eyes._

_“Okay, okay.” Only a few seconds passed before the realization dawned on him. “Wait, did your mom do this?”_

* * *

 

A pressure rested on my shoulder and I jolted awake. My eyes fell to Katniss standing above me. This was the same scenario that occurred two weeks ago. This time, I didn’t say anything but I grabbed her wrist and pulled her down until she was sitting on my bedroll. In desperate need of contact, I sat up and wrapped my arms wrapped around her and I shoved my face into her shoulder. She sat still for a moment, likely out of shock, before slowly wrapping her arms around me. I couldn’t tell if it was the warm touch of someone in general or her touch exactly that sent ease through my body.

“Are you okay?” Her whispering voice was comforting.

I didn’t know what to tell her so I went with a simple answer, “No.” Her arms wrapped tighter and it was the greatest feeling I had felt in years. This simple action brought me down from off the ceiling.

“Okay, let’s not talk about it now. Let’s just go back to sleep.”

“I can’t sleep.” Tears flooded my eyes. All I wanted was to sleep. It was all I asked for from the world before I closed my eyes.

“Come on. Lay back down.” I did as she said and waited as she left for a moment. Katniss came back with her sleeping bag and crawled into it next to me. She turned towards me and wrapped her arm around my stomach. Her voice whispered a tune in my ear, it sounding vaguely like a lullaby. It definitely lulled my mind, sending my body signals to finally relax. I fell back asleep soundly that night and didn’t really suffer from any dreams.

 

* * *

 

The sun was rising when I woke up the next morning. I looked around to find Finnick sitting just outside the shelter heating up water and Katniss out of sight. For the first time in a few days I felt decently rested. My body was still tired from the previous lack of sleep but my head no longer felt groggy.

I pulled my boots on and tied them quickly before walking over the Finnick. He handed me a cup of oatmeal and I groaned, still hating everything about it. “Where’s Katniss?”

“A few hundred feet that way.” He pointed behind him after shoving a spoonful of sludge in his mouth. “I think she found an opening in the trees.” I filled her cup with the meal and grabbed her spoon. My feet crunch on the leaves as I walked in her direction, soon seeing her sitting on the edge of a rock cliff.

“Hey.” She jumped at my interruption. “It’s just me.” The girl must have been staring off if she didn’t hear me approach through the leaves. I handed her the cup and she gave a silent thanks. We sat in silence, staring out at the Great Smoky Mountains beyond. They were nicer to look at when the rain was nowhere to be seen. These mountains contained the highest elevation points on the trail and it was obvious with the slightly thinner air. It all stayed above five thousand feet above sea level with the highest point just above sixty-six thousand feet. Throughout the rainy hike on them, we encountered rough terrain, most of it being difficult footing. There was the occasional graded climb and rock scrambles.

“How are you this morning?” Katniss looked over at me with concern and tenderness.

“I am good. Um, thanks for last night, by the way. It helped.”

“You’re welcome.” Her words were soft and we went back to a few minutes of silence.

“What were you singing last night?”

“Just a song my dad used to sing to me. It always helped my sister and I so I thought it might help you.” Bright gray eyes glanced at me before looking away. “What causes you to have such bad sleep?”

“Let’s save that long story for another day.” I looked over to see a confused look on her face but I decided to change the subject. “What’s with scaring so easily?”

“I’m deaf in my left ear so I can’t always hear someone approaching.”

“Oh.” I could not think of another response but some of her mannerisms made sense now, like how she turned her head while someone spoke. We stayed silent and finished off our food before heading back to the shelter.

That day started off great, and then Finnick started singing again. Katniss did not understand why I was so irritated by it until he started trying to beat box. We both started hiking faster in hopes that he would get the hint or we would get far enough ahead of him to minimize the sound.

He stopped after lunch because Katniss was smart enough to pull him into conversation. They talked about her mother and younger sister, but never mentioned her father. Finnick had a large family back in California and off-handedly mentioned that his birthday was in two days. We decided that we would take our first zero day to celebrate.

 

* * *

 

We made it to the hostel in Hot Springs, North Carolina on his birthday and instantly fell asleep after devouring a few large pizzas. The next day we decided to go out and explore the town. It was our zero day which meant we had no hiking to get done; it was our first day off after two hundred and seventy miles in twenty-one days.

Finnick and Katniss immediately decided that they wanted to go check out one of the local hot spring bath houses. I begrudgingly agreed, knowing that it was a chance to help calm down my water anxiety. The bath house was a round hut with a few attached rooms for changing. Bathing suits were not exactly a necessity on the trail so we ended up wearing running shorts, Finnick bare-chested while Katniss and I were in sports bras. I had asked if I could go bare-chested as well but the people running the bath house did not seem amused.

I sat on the edge of the plank floor that surrounded the natural spring. The water was crystal clear and bubbles escaped from where it flowed in from. The other two submerged themselves completely while I slowly dipped legs in up to my calves. It was the perfect temperature. The muscles in my feet relaxed as I sighed. I willed my body to get in and it was a great decision. All of the heat and steam released any tension in my back and shoulders. Though I was not able to enjoy this mentally, it was physically a wonderful feeling. We all sat in contentment, letting ourselves relax.

Afterwards, Finnick went back to the hostel to nap while Katniss and I went looking for birthday gifts. We looked high and low for the perfect gifts. They had to be meaningful but travel size and lightweight. Then we came across a hiking outfitter and started searching every aisle.

“What about one of those cooling bandanas?” Katniss held one up as I looked at hats.

“He’s never really complained about heat. What about a hat?”

“Because that is sentimental. Finnick, here is a hat. You can’t find these anywhere else.”

I laughed at her snarky comment while we moved on to a different aisle filled with random items. Compasses, books, maps, whistles, spare parts for cooking sets. Then, we both spotted the perfect items.

 

* * *

 

We dressed up in our finest trail clothes and went out for a belated birthday dinner at a nearby bar and grill. There really is no such thing as a healthy diet for a hiker. Our bodies craved protein and any form of substance, whether it is good or bad. Not once on the trail were we not hungry so anytime a chance within the budget arose to eat large quantities of foods, we pounced on the opportunity.

Together, we ordered three different appetizers individually, Finnick ordered a large steak, Katniss a chicken dish with extra chicken, and myself a burger I could barely hold in my hands, all followed by dessert. The only thing healthy about this meal was the water we were drinking.

Finnick leaned back and patted his stomach with a large smile on his face. “This has to be the best birthday dinner ever.” 

I nodded in agreement. “Let’s not forget about the gifts.” We both put our small gifts on the table. They were wrapped in day old newspaper as makeshift wrapping paper. His eyes lit up with surprise. He pulled them closer and started unwrapping Katniss’ first to find a small book about knots and several strands of rope. Like a kid, he started playing with the rope, quickly tying some complicated knots neither of us had ever seen before.

He opened mine next. It was a small velvet bag and inside was a harmonica. His eyes went from the instrument to me and back down. “It’s so you can both sing and play Blues Traveler, and you know, annoy us some more.”

Finnick looked up at both of us with the biggest smile I had seen from him yet. “Thank you so much. I couldn’t ask for better hiking buddies!”

 

* * *

 

That night held clear skies and the stars were bright with no other light to take away their glory. I had never seen them like this. Whenever I previously looked up, they were dull and only the brightest ones transmitted through the sky. They all received justice now.

As I laid there on the ground, just letting my mind wonder, Katniss sat down next to me and joined in on the silence. She didn’t bother to lie down though, only sit up and crank her neck to look up as well.

“Lay down, it’s more enjoyable.” I patted the ground behind her and she did so, keeping her eyes locked on the sky. We reveled in the nighttime serenity. An owl some distance away was heard every few minutes and the breeze rustled the tree leaves. Sounds of peacefulness and equilibrium.

Katniss and I seemed to mutually enjoy each other’s company. It wasn’t awkward or forced, just natural. There’s always comfort in having someone else nearby who just wants some peace from the noise pollution around and within themselves. But tonight was not going to be one of those moments.

“What did you mean you don’t have anything to return to after you finish hiking?” Her eyes remained focused upward but her voice bore into me. My mind questioned if I wanted to tell her the true reasons and I decided it was time to tell someone. The only other person who knew what had gone on was my ex-fiancé and that line of communication was completely severed. I couldn’t contact my sisters. I desperately wanted to but going to jail was the last thing I needed to happen. It was time to tell someone else; it was time to take the offer of help.

“There are a lot of reasons.” I paused, second guessing my decision.

“I want to hear about them.” Katniss turned her head and looked at me, her grey eyes fixated with interest and concern.

“Okay, um, sorry. I don’t really share things with people so this is different.” I took a deep breath and locked my stare on the stars above. “My mother lost her job when I was ten and became an alcoholic. That’s when she started abusing me. At first, it was minor. A slap to the face for something not warranting that response. Then, pinning me to the ground or walls. My dad sent her to therapy, hoping it would make her stop but it didn’t, she instead was more discreet. You know, there is more to abuse than just the physical aspect. There is mental and emotional and that’s where she started striking. I’d wake up to her hovering over me, threatening me, or doing whatever wouldn’t leave a visible mark. And I was scared to tell my dad that things were still happening out of fear that she would legitimately kill me.

“My dad killed himself when I was seventeen. I still don’t know why but I am pretty sure it had to do with my mother. He was a carpenter and my rock. My father was an amazing human who did not deserve the bitch of a wife he had.” I had to stop and collect my anger for a minute. “Shortly after his death, I was in the bath and she broke in, drunk. She tried to drown me, blaming me for him being dead. I ran out of the house that night, knowing that I had to leave. Luckily, my two younger sisters had been at their friend’s houses so they didn’t see what happened. I drove to the house my at the time boyfriend lived at that night and decided I had enough of what I was going through. I pressed charges against my mother so many times and none of them went through. No one believes an emotionally and mentally unstable teenager and no one stops to think about how they could have gotten that way in the first place. Every fucking one of them, despite me having proof, was dismissed.” I stop and looked over to find Katniss’ face looking horrified. Her brows were furrowed in sadness.

“That’s why you don’t like water.” The connection had been made and it honestly felt nice that she now knew an intimate part about me. It was scary too, knowing she could use it against me if she wanted. “What happened to your boyfriend?”

I went back to looking at the stars and felt a pang of sadness in my chest. There was still guilt left over and I tried to imagine what he was doing now. I apologized every time we interacted between the night I left him and the night I left town. Months later and I was still surprised that I even did that but it was a moment of impulse decision that needed to be done. My life had not run a normal course anyway so why would this make any difference. It was after I left that I realized I had no plan on what to do next. There was no money, no place to land. Home was fouled but I returned any way in hopes that my mother would give me enough sympathy to let me stay the night.

“Well, we went to college together, got engaged, and then I left him.” Short and simple.

“I was not expecting that.”

“What?”

“You being engaged once.”

“You’re not the only one who didn’t expect it.” I made the comment in hopes to lighten the mood but Katniss was now in deep thought.

“What about your sisters?”

“I wish I knew. My mother put a two year restraining order to keep me away from them. Don’t know why since the oldest of them already knows how screwed up our mother is.” One day I would see them again. I hoped they came out of that house better than I did. For now, I waited and thought of them every day. “Can we not talk about this anymore?”

“Of course.” I watched her face move in thought from the corner of my eye. There was relief from sharing part of my life with her. It was nice to finally have someone I could confide myself but it made me nervous. Lucky for her, I was no longer in the mood to talk so I did not bother asking her any personal questions to get even.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is a bit deep and will actually be the most intense one of the fic. The rest are equal to the previous two, if not lighter to read. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and continue to comment/review! :)


	4. Roan High Shelter

Four days passed of Finnick incessantly playing the harmonica. I didn't regret buying it for him but I was kicking myself in the ass about it. It didn't help that Katniss kept making snarky remarks like "at least knots are quiet" and "it was your idea, not mine" whenever she passed me on the trail. I just mocked her back, saying the same thing but in a high-pitched annoying voice. The deadpan stare that she gave in response every time simply made me grin.

On day twenty-six of the hike, we had finally had enough. As I leaned against a tree during our water break, I called Katniss over. "We have to do something about Finnick's noise."

She raised her eyebrows. "No, you have to do something about his noise. I told you the harmonica was a bad idea."

"I know, quit reminding me."

"I don't have to. Finnick has that covered." Katniss smirked at her own cleverness while I rolled my eyes.

"If you're going to act like you didn't even have an ounce of influence on this decision, then you're a jackass."

"Then call me a jackass."

At that moment, I could have punched her but I decided to walk away. "Whatever, jackass."

When we stopped for a water break that afternoon, I stole the harmonica from Finnick's pack while he trekked in the woods to relieve himself. He instantly noticed upon his return and we told him that he was not allowed to play it until we rested our ears from the noise of him trying to play the instrument. Katniss and I both basked in the silence, with Finnick on our heels like a little puppy wanting his toy back.

Later that night, we arrived in Erwin, Tennessee and decided to stay at Uncle Johnny's Hostel just off the trail. It looked like an old house with a bunch of extensions. We checked in and paid for our rooms, with Katniss and I sharing one and Finnick in a different room with a random hiker that was also staying the night.

"This is one of the better hostels so far this trip. May have to check out the store in the morning before we leave." My attempt to start a conversation was short-lived when Katniss replied with a muffled agreement. It was reaching that point in the day where all you truly wanted to do was eat and go straight to bed. And so we wasted our time by unpacking our clothes and bed rolls in silence.

We both started to settle in when Finnick walked in, his roommate next to him. "Two things, ladies. First, I order a few pizzas and they will be here shortly. Second, this is Cressida. Cressida, this is Katniss and Johanna."

The woman walked forward. Katniss awkwardly shook hands with her, avoiding any major eye contact. I looked her up and down before accepting the offer. "Nice to meet you." The words flowed from her mouth in a smooth accent. They were the opposite of Finnick's harmonica noises. These words were silken.

Once my ears finished admiring the one sentence uttered to me, my eyes took in the rest. Her head was shaved on the left side with the rest of her hair flipped to the right. A continuous green vine tattoo ran from the shaved area, down her neck, and under her clothes. Part of me wondered where it stopped, if it ever did, but it didn't really matter. She seemed nice but also too professional and uptight. Her eyes looked wise beyond her actual age and her mouth formed a lopsided grin.

"Cressida is filming a documentary." Finnick leaned against the door frame and crossed his arms nonchalantly.

"Well, I am trying but I have yet to meet an actual group of hikers. Everyone else has been an individual." She gave us a shrug. That response was more laidback than I had been expecting, but that didn't mean the purpose of it surpassed me.

"Are you asking if you can follow and film us?" I was a little skeptical about this idea.

"Well, Finnick has agreed but he said it depends on you two."

Katniss looked over at me and then to Finnick. She was unsure, so I pressed for more details. "What is it about?"

"It is about the life of thru-hikers on the Appalachian Trail. Documenting what they go through to finish the hike. Weather, terrain, lodging, injuries, the planning process, the dynamics of the group. It would only be occasional filming when events were happening, meals, select times during hikes. I am also trying to finish the trail."

"And how do we know you're not a sociopath on a killing spree?"

Her eyes pointed to my hip. "I'm not the one with the axe, am I?"

It was obvious that Finnick was holding back his laughter. The new girl was clever. "Okay, I agree, but the minute things get uncomfortable with the filming, then you're on your own to finish."

"I can agree to that. Katniss?"

Katniss looked over at me first, as if to confirm that she was about to say the correct answer. "Sure, sounds great."

Cressida gave a smile and we all decided to start interviews tomorrow since we needed to take the shuttle into town and resupply. For now, we ate the three large pizzas in silence before heading off the bed.

* * *

"Alright. State your name, where you're from, and why you are on the trail." Cressida sat behind a tiny tripod that held her GoPro camera.

"My name is Katniss. I am from Middlebury, Vermont. I am on the trail to prove to myself that I can finish something, and to seek closure on my father's death a few years ago."

"Do you have a trail name?"

"No, not yet."

"It's Bow and Arrows. You should know that." I shouted from where Finnick and I were sitting.

"I guess it is Bow and Arrows." Katniss smirked and darted her eyes at me.

Cressida chuckled. "And how did you get that name?"

Katniss shrugged. "My real name traces back to relate to archery and Johanna called me Bow and Arrows once so I guess it stuck. Nothing too exciting."

"Alright, works for me. Johanna, you're next." I stood up and took Katniss' spot on the interview rock.

"Name, where you're from, why you are on the trail."

"Johanna, from Washington, currently nomadic though. On the trail because I don't have too many other options. Just trying to find a new place to go." She gave me a strange look, probably wondering why I was being so vague.

"Trail name?"

"Axes, because I carry an axe." I touched it the tool resting on my hip and smiled.

"Why an axe?"

"It used to be my father's and for protection or use. Never know when you might need to chop something or defend yourself."

Cressida grinned and motioned for Finnick to be interviewed now. "You know how it goes."

"Finnick, from just outside Los Angeles, California. This is my second time hiking the trail. First time was for adventure and this time is in hopes of finding love or getting closer to it. My new trail name is Trident, because I am King of the ocean." He gave a smug smile to the camera.

Cressida sat down next to Finnick. "Cressida, from England but residing in Richmond, Virginia. On the trail to create a documentary on the journey of Appalachian Trail thru-hikers. I will be continuing my hike with Bow and Arrow, Axes, and Trident. My trail name is Lights Camera Action, given to me by a southbound group of hikers." She turned off the camera and took it off the tripod to connect it on a camera harness over her sternum. "Shall we continue?" The tripod clipped on the side of her pack.

"Onward!" Finnick pointed forward and we all started marching forward for the final few miles of the day. The terrain had been relatively flat except for the short three mile hike up and down over a steep ridge.

* * *

 The next day was accompanied by a drop in temperature and it got colder as the day went on, especially when the sun started setting. Majority of the time was spent with our heads down to break the wind gusts. Rocks began to poke out onto the trail the more the elevation increased and trees became a little more scarce, causing it to become windier.

We made it to the Roan High Shelter, shivering and pulling on every piece of warm clothing possible. And as we sat in a tight shoulder-to-shoulder circle eating dinner, Katniss looked up at the door. "It's snowing."

We all leaned over to look out the door and then back at each other. "So, time to get close tonight." Finnick stood up and closed the door to prevent any more of a breeze from breaking in. It was snowing in the middle of May. We got what we deserved, stopping at the highest shelter on the trail.

Before we settled down for sleep, we figured out the prime spooning order. It started with me facing forward, with Katniss behind me, followed by Cressida then Finnick. We bundled up in hats and layers of clothing and our low temperature sleeping bags before getting situated.

Finnick chuckled. "You're not filming this right, Cressida?"

"I am." Cressida's voice was shaking from the cold. "But I have a timer set at fifteen minutes to turn the camera off. Do it for the documentary."

I couldn't help but laugh at the reference. It was soon cut short when I noticed Katniss wrapping her arm around me more and pulling me closer. As I turned my head to look back at her, I noticed she was already fast asleep. She was pulling me closer without even consciously thinking about it. Maybe the things I felt for her were actually reciprocated. My eyes stayed open from my racing thoughts and from my new fear of dying from hypothermia. Eventually, they shut from exhaustion and I fell asleep another night.

* * *

There was a dusting of snow on the ground when we took off hiking that morning. The sight was like no other and it amazed me that it was even possible to have snow when it was becoming so warm out. It was a short excitement as the snow disappeared once we reached below five thousand feet in elevation. The day went by quick and in the evening we resupplied with food at a town near the hostel. Sleeping in a bed in a warm room had never felt as amazing as it did that night.

The next day was the hike to Jones Falls. The trail slowly went from wooded to pasture land. The grasses and plants were as tall as my waist and moved with the light breeze. The shifting sounds of the leaves and some nearby birds were the only things to be heard. This was the kind of peace I was looking for. A peace where everything felt perfectly connected. The trees fed the birds; the grasses protected the soil and roots; the bees pollinated the flowers. Nature knows the purpose for every part of itself, and every part works in sync with the others. And that is what I wanted so badly to gain within myself. I want my mind, my body, my thoughts and muscles to finally work together on the same page. My body always seemed one step ahead and that caused my mind to overload itself with anxiety. To be more like nature was now a well-defined goal.

I looked over to see a pleasant surprise. "Hey, Finnick. Remember that magnolia tree I mentioned weeks ago?"

"Yeah, why?"

"There it is." I saw Cressida press the record button on her camera. "The fraser magnolia or mountain magnolia. Native to the Appalachians. They really enjoy rich and well-drained soil so I imagine we are getting near water or are in a drainage area."

Finnick inspected the tree that stood several feet from the trail. "So, why fraser magnolia? Is it related to the fraser trees you see in the winter?"

"No, completely different trees. Fraser firs are closer related to Balsams. This was named after the Scottish botanist who started collecting magnolia samples, John Fraser." I looked to see Katniss and Cressida giving me impressed glances. Finnick had already experienced my extensive knowledge of plants so he was used to it already. "They produce a fruit, not like the fruit of the apple trees behind my shoulder. But, it's a little cone, and they are typically a nice red-pink color."

"There's apple trees?" Finnick turned in excitement and walked off the path and to one of the trees. We followed. He dropped his pack on the ground and started trying to climb up the trunk. He failed at climbing a few times and I started laughing at the sight of him falling out of the tree repeatedly before Katniss chimed in.

"How can you not climb a tree?" She walked over and put her pack down.

"Oh, like you can do better? The only person who can probably climb trees here is Axes." Finnick teased her but not for long. With ease she climbed up the trunk and slowly moved down a branch, picking apples and throwing down to the man below. I would be lying to myself if I said I was not turned on by her climbing a tree. The sight replayed in my head and all I wanted was to climb up there and kiss her. Then, I freaked out. I had to continuously remind myself that I could not be crushing on her. We had over four months of hiking in front of us and having feelings for my hiking partner was not going to make this any easier.

"Johanna!" A dull pain ran through my nose and there was a thump on the ground. I looked down to see an apple at my feet. "I am so sorry!" Finnick stood a few feet away from me, trying to contain his laughter.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Who throws an apple at someone's face? Are you an idiot?" I picked up the apple and pegged it at him so hard that it broke apart when it hit his chest. He cried out in pain.

"I thought you would catch it!" Finnick rubbed his chest in pain. "What was that for?"

"I thought you would catch it." I shook my head as I mocked him. Katniss started laughing at my response, sending a smile across my face. Again, that laugh made me swoon. She jumped out of the tree and tossed me a new apple. I took a bite and winked at her before walking away, leaving them to catch up with me.

The trail moved back into forested land and just off of the main path we heard the noise of rushing water. Katniss led the way on our detour and it was well worth it. In front of us was a tall waterfall, likely a hundred or so. The water poured down, creating a roaring and crashing sound that echoed through the forest. It moved from the pool below and cascaded down boulders and rocks. Cressida carefully stepped across the stream and moved her way up to the bottom of the fall, filming the view.

This did not make me feel anxiety. It was too beautiful and natural to fear. Part of me wanted to stand under the falls and let the water hit me.

"You okay?" I looked over to see Katniss standing shoulder to shoulder with me, taking in the view.

"Yeah. It makes me want to like water."

"Good." She took my hand and squeezed it before letting go and walking away. I wondered what it meant. Did she do that out of wanting to give me comfort? Was it a sign that my feelings were not unrequited? Or maybe I was reading into it too deeply. It had been a while since I felt the nervous yet excited pit in my stomach. Feeling this way reminded me that I was still capable of these types of feelings, but it made me uncomfortable. It felt like just another thing to potentially screw up. Tired of thinking about my issues, I took out my water bottles and distracted myself with refilling them.

* * *

  _The train station was relatively empty at 5 a.m. as Johanna waited in the terminal. She was about to ride cross country to Georgia, where she would stay until it was time to start on the Appalachian Trail. This was the first time she had somewhere to go. Otherwise, there really was no place to be. She had been living on the streets and in cheap motel rooms and would likely do the same once she arrived on the other coast._

_Until this trip, she only felt like she belonged somewhere in college when there were classes. Johanna hardly went to them and when she did, she slept in the back. Much to all of classmates' frustrations, she always received A's. There was the occasional B but that happened once or twice. No one knew that she studied a lot and read multiple books on whatever subject the course was in._

_She absorbed information. It was one of her ways of escaping besides hiding out in the woods every few weekends. If there was a new topic, there was a new book. Her fiancé had never understood how she did it. He was always at class, going to study groups, working late into the night to finish work, and drinking coffee to survive. She stayed home, read books, did the work, and went to sleep at a normal time._

_Johanna lay on the bench while reading a book about the Appalachian Mountains. It was all about the topography and natural history. Her eyes slowly started to shut from exhausted; she had been up for nearly twenty four hours. So, she fell asleep for a few hours until a polite older woman asked if she was on the train that had just pulled up._

_This was it after months of waiting. She was leaving home for good with one hiking pack filled with basic necessities she would need on the trail. Everything else was left behind for good. Her fall from grace continued to plummet downwards but there was a tiny glimpse of hope that it would at least slow down once she disappeared from this place._

_She boarded the train, put her bag in storage, and shortly after it began to move, the tickets were checked. As soon as hers passed, she fell asleep while watching the landscaping of fields and hills pass by._

* * *

I twitched awake to find Katniss curled up behind me and her arms wrapped around my mid-section. She was warm and breathing steadily into the back of my neck. I moved back against her and entwined my fingers with hers, slowly pulling her arm tighter around me before drifting back asleep.

The next three days were easy to hike, with only one or two strenuous parts. Hiking in general had become easier. My legs felt in shape, my back and stomach stronger from the weight of the pack. I was no longer out of breath after sharp cutbacks or tough terrain sections. Finnick was transforming into a different person. His previous muscle was leaner, making him looking slightly smaller but also in better shape. His facial hair grew in as a light brown and actually didn't look half bad. Facial hair or not, he was still gorgeous.

Katniss was also changing. Her once round face was starting to thin out and her arms and legs were toned. It was not that we ate poorly or did not have enough nutrients; we just worked all the time. On average, we hiked over fifteen miles a day and often ate between four to five thousand calories a day just to keep our bodies fueled. I still hated oatmeal though.


	5. Damascus, Virginia

It was a sixteen mile hike that day from the Abingdon Gap Shelter. That afternoon we crossed over from Tennessee to Virginia, where we would end our hike in Damascus. The trail ended at a field with a white two-story farm house on the plot. As we made it to the gravel road into town, a group of kids on bikes pedaled by, laughing and welcoming us.

The town had one main street called Laurel Avenue. Along it were small businesses and tons of people hurrying around. They smiled at us as we walked through. Hanging over the street was a large banner that read "Trail Days in Trail Town, USA".

Finnick saw an information booth and headed towards it, the three of us following behind. We waited in a short line before we were greeted by an extremely cheerful man.

"Hello! Looks like you four just got in time. North or southbound?"

Finnick gave his signature smile. "We did! Northbound. What is going on here? Festival or something?"

"Oh, this is Trail Days. It is a big weekend festival where past hikers, adventurers, dreamers come to support the thru-hikers. Today is very relaxed and we are actually winding down but tomorrow will be a big thing. Hikers parade followed by a water fight, free food, free gear fixing booths, raffles, live music. Will you still be in town?"

"We were planning on taking two zero days actually since I previously knew this as a good place to take a rest at. Where can we stay?"

The man gathered a few pamphlets and handed them to Finnick. "Here is some information on the events. We have camping available in the park for $10 a person. Pitch your tent, leave your stuff, no one is going to touch it. The hiker community follows an unannounced honor code, as you all know by now."

Finnick turned towards us. "Do we want to do camping in the park?" We all shrugged and nodded in agreement, pulling out the money from the top compartments in our packs.

The man took the money and gave us our camping permits for the weekend. "And coming up in about half an hour is our feed the hungry hikers event at the campground. Be sure to bring your own bowl and spoon!"

I looked at Finnick with excitement. If it is one thing him and I had bonded over well, it was food. He pushed his arm under my own and pulled me close to his side as we walked towards the park. "This is going to be exciting. There is so much food."

"You read my mind."

He opened the pamphlet and skimmed through it. "Oh! A talent show! I could play my harmonica."

My eyes widened in horror before I looked over my shoulder at Katniss and Cressida who also had terrified looks. I still had not returned the piece of metal to him. "Sure." It would have made more sense to be honest with him but he was so passionate and in love with the gift that even my bitterness shouldn't be the reason he become disheartened. Maybe I would buy him a lesson book soon.

The park was filled to the brim with tents and fellow hikers. Luckily, we were led by volunteers to three designated spots. Finnick and Cressida got their own since they had one person tents. Katniss had originally made her hiking schedule to stop daily at hostels and shelters meaning she had not packed a tent. Mine was the largest, barely fitting two people because I originally bought it so my pack could fit comfortably inside. It didn't bother me sharing with her though the few times we had to use tents. It got rid of some weight in my pack and she comforted me during the night. We still never mentioned it to each other; it was just something that we acknowledged happening in silence.

It only took a few minutes to set up the tents so we all quickly changed; me out in the open without a care for modesty while Katniss changed inside the tent. The fresh air felt refreshing on my bare skin as it dried all the sweat. Once I was done airing out for half a minute, I covered myself again.  
With fresh clothes and dishware in hand, we made it over to the campgrounds. There were tons of vendors selling and repairing gear, sampling food, demonstrating crafts, almost anything trail related. I took every food sample offered to me, melting at the homemade taste. My stomach rumbled in happiness.

The dinner that night was grilled chicken and pasta with bread. I had a Coke for the first time in months and it was both disgusting and delicious. The caffeine went straight through me and I felt jittery for a while afterwards. I chugged water to make the sensation go away as we sat outside at a picnic table for a few hours into the late night, chatting with each other and laughing over a competitive card game. Before bed, I gave Finnick his harmonica back and his face lit up with pure joy once again. It amazed me how someone could find joy in something so small and noisy.

* * *

The next morning I woke up to a harmonica playing. It didn't sound bad though, it sounded well-practiced. I laid still and relaxed, just staring at the top of the tent. My eyes glanced over towards Katniss. She was sprawled out and sleeping soundly. Typically she talked in her sleep but she was quiet now.

I carefully stepped out of the tent and pulled my jacket on to combat the morning chill. Cressida was sitting on the ground, sipping on a hot drink as she watched Finnick play his harmonica. There was a scruffy hiker there showing him different chords and simple songs. It was amazing how much better he sounded already.

Cressida saw me and patted the ground next to her. "Good morning!" Her voice was too cheery this early. She reached forward and poured coffee from a thermos and into a cup, handing it to me once I sat down. The coffee tasted sweet and actually had sugar and cream in it. "Good, right? Haymitch saw Finnick struggling with his harmonica and offered to help him and he brought good coffee too."

The scruffy man looked over at me. "Haymitch. And you?"

"Johanna."

"You look like a bundle of fun."

"I am." I gave him a deadpan stare and he simply laughed.

"I like you. Lots of attitude and spark."

Finnick glanced over at me. "You have no idea." Cressida silently chuckled as I received a wink from the apple-chucking man-child. Haymitch turned his attention back to Finnick and they continued on with the harmonica lessons.

"So, Johanna, you play any instruments?"

"Guitar, that's about it. Haven't played in several months though."

"How come?"

My shoulders raised in a shrug. "Life happened and I sold it for money."

She nodded and we both drank the rest of our coffee in silence, entertained by the two men. Katniss eventually appeared, still half asleep until we gave her a cup of coffee.

The entire morning and afternoon was filled with fun. We walked around the campground and finished looking at the vendors. I bought a new filter for my water bottles and some nice socks. Cressida ended up finding some GoPro equipment and bought more back-up batteries and a waterproof canister for her extra equipment.

At noon there were free hot dogs and other foods at the outfitter shop in town. I didn't care to mingle with the other hikers so I just stood behind Finnick as he talked.

A few hours passed and we lost Finnick when we started lining up for the hiker's parade. None of us knew where he went but we knew he would pop back up eventually and so he did.

Finnick threw a few plastic bead necklaces over our heads and celebrated with himself, pumping his arms in the air. "Free food, free beads! Am I right?" His excitement was mildly overwhelming.

"You're getting this on camera, right?"

Cressida nodded. "Yes, purely because I want him to be embarrassed by this later down the road."

"Glad we are on the same page." I couldn't help but smile and laugh as he jumped around and danced around with a few other scruffy and bearded hikers.

The parade started and we walked forward with the other thru-hikers for this year. We moved through town, greeted by cheering locals and supporters. It was amazing how this tiny town was the most popular town on the trail. It passed right through the streets, leaving hikers and locals to become acquainted with each other. Every day brought new faces of those surviving the trail.

As we reached the end of the march, shouting and playful screaming was heard. Then I realized what was going on. I thought back to the guy at the table yesterday mentioning a water fight. I moved away from the group discreetly before I had water shot or thrown at me. There was a comfy bench away from everyone that I sat down at and watched from afar.

Cressida was pulled into the crowd, filming the entire event. Finnick seemed to be flirt fighting with a girl. Katniss was nowhere to be found, that is until she was standing in front of me, water gun pointed and ready.

"Come on, Johanna. This isn't like previous times. This is fun and you deserve fun."

"Katniss… don't you dare." I stood up and started slowly backing away.

She stepped towards me. "You know, you can't exactly get over things if you never face them. This is a chance to face your fears but in a fun way."

"What the hell, back off." She didn't listen. Instead, she pulled the trigger and began soaking me with the water gun. I screamed and leaped forward, pulling the gun from her hands easily, turning it so faced her. "I said don't!"

A chuckle escaped her lips. "And what are you going to do?"

I pumped the gun and pulled the trigger, sending the water stream right at her face. Laughter pushed from my lungs at her surprised expression. She soon gave me a look of revenge which prompted me to take off running. Her longer legs helped her catch up to me though.

Katniss reached out and grabbed the back of my shirt, creating resistance to my run. I tried to twist and turn out of her hold but she eventually dragged me down and stole the gun away, only to start spraying me in the face with it. Nearly blind from water, I reached out and managed to grab her wrists after a few moments of struggle. I pushed up and used my momentum to turn over, sending Katniss onto her back and lying below me.

My legs straddled over her waist and my hands pinned her wrists to the ground. Wet hair fell over my face as I looked down at her looking back up with bright grey eyes. There was grass and dirt smeared over her neck and shirt. Her hair was drenched and strands fell from the long braid. If only we were in this position for different reasons. For a moment, I thought about kissing her but decided against it, knowing my gut instinct often led to trouble. If she did not reciprocate then all would be lost. It would become awkward and arthritic, likely leading to one of us leaving the group.

So I didn't. I did look deep into her eyes and wish that I could see them every day for the rest of my life. They were hypnotizing, filled with genuine spirit. A hidden flame.

I couldn't let myself feel like this in front of her though. "I said not to fucking do that. You know I hate water. You really are brainless, aren't you?" I stood up and stormed off, leaving her lying on the ground. If only I had turned around to see what her reaction was. The water fight was done and I found Finnick and Cressida standing with another girl. She was shorter than me, with brown hair and a cute face. She looked sheepish, little confidence.

Finnick made the introductions. "Johanna, this is Annie. Annie, this is Johanna."

"Nice to meet you." Her voice was soft, almost mouse-like. She offered her hand and I simply glanced down at it.

"Yeah, it's nice." I looked to the other two. "I'm going back to the tents to change." I was legitimately angry now. I was on this damn trail, wanting to get away from my problems and create a fresh slate but instead I was falling for a girl who would likely not feel the same way back. She told me about the two guys who fought over her all the time back home. I don't blame them. She was beautiful, she could climb trees, and she could hold her own. I would fight them both for her.

And now Finnick was giving this new girl he met today loving eyes, and she was giving them right back. A pang of jealousy ran through me. Though it had just been a month, he was already a close friend and someone I didn't want to lose. Now that he probably found the love of his life, he would push me to the side.

In rage, I pulled everything out of my pack once I got back to the tent. I couldn't find any of my clothes. Tears of frustration filled my eyes.

As I looked around at the mess, the tent flap opened and Katniss poked her head in. She sat down inside, keeping her feet out the door to avoid tracking in dirt. "Hey."

My eyes darted to her and glared. "What?"

"You know it's not going to hurt or burn you, right?"

"I know. I'm not an idiot." I started repacking my bag in hopes she would leave but as per usual, she was persistent.

"Water is not going to just go away. You're going to have to learn to coexist." Her voice was calm but filled with caution, knowing I was ready to snap at her.

"Look, I don't need your help. I have been just fine dealing with my issues and I don't need or want people feeling sorry for me." I looked her right in the eyes. "I don't need your charity. I don't need your sorrowful and pity-filled emotions. I already have enough guilt in my life. I don't need to feel guilty about making you feel bad or feel responsible or whatever bullshit about me."

"I can't help it. You don't deserve what you have been through and you don't deserve to be afraid of something because of these experiences." She reached her hand out slowly and placed it on my shoulder. "I want to help."

I turned my attention back to packing without saying another word. After a few minutes, Katniss left me alone.

* * *

The evening got better but I still wasn't in the mood to be social so I watched from afar as everyone else tried their hand at Contra Dancing. Finnick and Annie paired together. He goofed off the entire time, making Annie and some of the people surrounding them laugh. There was no rhythm to be found in the boy when it came to dancing. I felt a pang of secondhand embarassment for him.

Katniss had been paired with a random hiker. She looked extremely uncomfortable and uninterested in the conversation he was trying to have. When they turned, I caught her eyes looking straight at me. I raised my eyes and waved. Cressida was also with a random partner but she looked a little too comfortable, making gleaming and flirting faces at him.

We got a late dinner and watched the band play at the campground. They played cover songs of classic rock and modern music, with the occasional bluegrass song thrown in. Once I felt less frustrated, we all danced with each other in a small circle. Finnick would take Katniss and Annie by the hand and twirl them towards him before spinning them away. It was a joy watching all of us. Cressida had the camera strapped to her chest with the shoulder holster so we would often dance towards it, making funny faces and doing stupid dance moves. It didn't help that Finnick and I were both a few beers in to the night.

As the dancing wore on, the music slowed so Katniss, Cressida, and I left the little platform stage to let Finnick and Annie dance.

We watched them until they walked off as well, stopping in front of us. Finnick bowed to me, "Shall we?" He eyed me and laughed as I rolled mine at him.

"Quit being so chivalrous."

"Sorry. Let me translate. I am dancing and you are going to join me. Let's go, brainless." Finnick winked at Katniss who smiled before looking back down at me.

I took his hand and we walked back onto the dance floor. Finnick pulled me close and wrapped his other arm around my mid-back. Our fingers entwined together as we held our hands up and moved them with the slow beat of the music. My free hand rested on his shoulder.

"What's bothering you?" I glanced up to see him staring down at me with bright eyes.

"What? Oh. Nothing."

"Nothing? You've been a little more sarcastic and snarkier than usual. You can tell me if something is wrong."

"I like Katniss." The words fell from my mouth, like they usually did. "You know, more than a simple crush. I'm pretty sure she does not feel that way. What do I do?" I looked up at him in hopes that he had an answer.

He thought about it for a moment. "I think you have to tell her. You never know until you say something."

"Yeah, I knew that was going to be your answer." It wasn't what I wanted to hear. I had honestly hoped for him to freak out but it seemed that Finnick had sensed it for a while now.

I rested my head on his chest as we swayed slowly with the music. It was a wonderful cover of Let It Be Me by Ray LaMontagne and for some reason it seemed like the perfect song for Finnick and I. We both needed a friend when we started hiking and we had come across each other.

"I really like Annie. I already think she is the one." He rested the side of his head on the top of mine.

"You two look really happy when together, but how do you know that already?"

"It just feels right. I didn't think that the at first sight thing was true until meeting her." There was a beat of silence between us. "You know I'm not going to ditch you, right? Just because I have her doesn't mean I'm going to leave you hangin'."

Those were the exact words I needed to hear at that moment. A smile broke across my face. "I was a little worried about that."

"A little? When you walked up to us after the parade, I thought you were going to kill her out of jealousy. You, my dear Johanna, can be very transparent at times."

I pinched his back and he jerked away in slight pain. "That's not true."

"Is that so? Well, I can just read you like a book then." Finnick moved his head and gazed down at me. His eyebrows were raised as his mouth grinned to the right in disbelief.

"Shut up, you're ruining the fairytale moment."

"I'm sorry, Princess."

"Don't call me a princess!" I pulled my hand from his and punched his upper arm.

"Ow! You better watch it, I have a tendency to seek revenge."

"I dare you to try your best." My challenge was quickly denied and we went back to dancing, my forehead pressed on his chest. I was starting to get tired since it was closing in on when we usually settled down. "I don't want to lose you guys."

His arm around my back pulled me in closer. "Fear thou not, we will always be around. We have a long way to go before we all part again and even then, we'll still have each other."

I wanted to think of the future and how we would progress over the months left. But I liked the present enough that I never wanted to leave it. There were three people that wanted to be around me; that dealt with my snarky behavior and cast each punch aside without a problem. They silently understood what I was dealing with and they didn't bother me or treat me like a sensitive failure.

There was no asking what I planned to do in my future. There was no pressure to agree with them, though most of the time I did. Each of them knew different fractions of me and each of them accepted the fraction they held.

That didn't mean I was not scared of the future. I was scared and like a small child, I wished I would be able to tuck my tail between my legs and scurry back to the safety of my home. That safety net had long since been reeled in though.

The song ended and Finnick bowed before escorting me off the floor. Cressida looked over at us. "What were you two pinching each other about?"

"Just Finnick being an ass." I punched him and he rubbed his arm in exaggerated pain. "Wimp."

Annie was already by his side, talking softly and rubbing his bicep for him. They were smitten and it was disgusting how couple-like they were in not even a day. I took this at my calling card.

"I am going to bed. It's about that time." Everyone wished me a good night and I left towards the tents, yawning.

I was asleep before Katniss got back to the tent but I felt her curl up next to me. She wrapped her arm around my stomach as always and held me close. The rhythm of her breathing blew against my neck and I couldn't help but feel a tingling sensation in my stomach. This was only going to get worse if this routine continued.

* * *

That next morning, Cressida, Katniss and I went out to breakfast. Finnick couldn't be found but his gear was still around so we figured he was out and about with Annie. The local breakfast spot was quaint like the rest of the town. Fellow hikers kept it filled and busy by ordering an abundance of food from the menu.

We sat at a table in the front corner by the large display window. Our waitress brought fresh coffee and creamer, and then we ordered. Bacon, eggs, country potatoes, and a stack of large waffles immediately caught my eye. It had been a long while since I last had a breakfast that large.

Cressida looked at both Katniss and I and smiled while pouring the milky white creamer into her cup of coffee. "So, did either of you go to college?"

Katniss' eyes redirected to her own coffee mug, her shoulders shrinking into herself a bit. This was obviously a sore subject. "No. I had to stay home and take care of my mom and sister after my father died. I would like to one day but that seems like something that won't happen, at least anytime soon."

I shrugged at her response. "I think it does not matter all that much. I have my degree and am doing nothing with it, and that's after being a near perfect student."

"I'm going to have to disagree with you there." Cressida took a sip of her drink before explaining her reasoning. "First off, a degree or certificate is worth its weight in gold. Education is worth everything. Just because you may not be using it to its greatest worth does not mean it does not come in handy. Because, secondly, you are hiking the Appalachian Trail and have been naming off different species of animals, trees, plants, everything. You don't have to be working in your field to find uses for what you have specialized in."

"What is the purpose of getting a degree in something you won't be working in?" This was obviously going to turn into a debate very quickly.

"Only the educated are free." A daring stare ran across her face.

"Don't quote Epictetus to me. Tell me, what did you get your degree in? How is making a documentary useful in the skills you learned?"

"Radio, television, and film plus a Masters of Arts focused in industry studies."

I was stunned to hear that and I was honestly stumped on what to say next. They both looked at me, anticipating a response. "So, you are hiking the trail and creating a documentary in hopes to make a break in the film industry?"

"Correct." Her lips moved into a crooked smile.

"And if that fails?"

There was a slight shrug in her shoulders. "I try again."

"What if you never get that break? What if you are always found to be lackluster?"

Cressida radiated confidence all the time and it was impossible to break her from it. I wanted to know how she kept so strong in her ways. "Then at least I spent my time doing what I love. There will always be someone or even multiple people who find you lacking but that is no reason to stop doing something you enjoy. I want to create documentaries, so I will make documentaries. If Finnick wants to be a poet who is awful at harmonica, then he should let himself be that. At least him and I will look back and be happy that we followed what we truly wanted to do. It is not up to others to decide what someone should do with their lives, and when that does happen, that is when people become bitter about education. Tell me, Johanna, did that happen to you?"

I stared at her in silence with a straight look on my face. If she meant that question as a joke, it was not very funny. The table sat in silence while I worked on holding back my anger. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

Cressida jumped at my response. "Johanna, I didn't mean-"

"No. Just quit talking about it. Simple as that." I didn't mean to be harsh but I was getting tired of the past always being brought up. It was now when I finally got a glimpse of what Finnick was talking about when we first met. This trail was not going to help me run away from the past; it was going to make me visit it over and over again in order to learn how to cope.

Our food arrived and we ate in silence until we all witnessed Finnick and Annie walk down the sidewalk, hand-in-hand with each other.

"Day two and they are already together." Cressida nodded in amazement.

"Who wants to bet that they will be married by tomorrow?" The sarcasm oozed from my mouth.

"You're jealous." Katniss piped in on the conversation now.

"I'm not jealous!"

Cressida looked from me to Katniss. "You're completely right. She is jealous."

"No, I'm not!"

"Oh, yes you are." Laughter fell from both of them as Cressida pressed the matter. I continued to eat in personal silence, waiting for them to finally let their newfound glory rest. I was not jealous though, not anymore. But an underlying fear resounded in me that Finnick was going to ditch me.

After we finished breakfast and paid, the day was free to explore. It was another zero day and we enjoyed it, especially now that the majority of visitors had left. The town had a calm air to it. So we made our way through the local shops and ironically ended up on a popular small hike on the Virginia Creeper Trail.

Later that evening, we moved from tenting in the park to staying in a hostel. The beds were well used but comfortable considering we had just spent several days on the ground or laying on a wooden floor with only a thin sleeping pad between. That night Finnick informed us that Annie would be joining our group for the rest of the hike. I went to bed that night a bit disgruntled but happy that Finnick had found what seemed to be the kind of love he was looking for. It did make me wonder if I would ever find it myself.


	6. Grayson Highlands

We left the next morning, continuing the trail that started on the other side of town from where we arrived. My legs felt rested and ready for the days ahead. It would be close to thirty days before we stopped for another zero day so it was a good thing we took the two days off. Everyone seemed to be a good mood and Finnick and Annie were still inseparable.

As most days, the hike ended at a shelter. The day had been filled with a gradual climb in elevation as we approached the Grayson Highlands.

* * *

The next day was the same, except the elevation increased dramatically at one point. There were several switchbacks and the group stopped often for water breaks due to the physical stress. There was a plateau and a fall in elevation at one point so the pace increased for a couple of hours before the uphill portion started again.

As the afternoon moved into evening, the temperature began to drop. Mount Rogers was the highest point in the Commonwealth and the weather reminded any hiker of that. The trail approaching the Thomas Knob Shelter was a bald face on the mountain, with sparse trees and large rocks poking out of the earth.

A handful of hikers sat at a picnic table outside of the shelter, eating and conversing. They greeted us and one of them showed us into the shelter. It was a glorified log hut with a large entry way and an upstairs loft, where majority of them had already claimed spots. Cressida, Finnick, and Annie decided to take the upstairs while Katniss and I opted to sleep on the bottom floor with two other hikers.

I didn't care to socialize. It had been a while since I had separation from people and I really craved some alone time. So I sat on my sleeping bag and sharpened my axe after eating. It was not long before I went to sleep.

Due to the shelter being in such a high elevation and exposed to the elements, the night got cold. I woke in the middle of the night, realizing just how cold it was. Katniss was shivering next to me. For a moment, I lay there debating what to do.

Ultimately, I decided to curl up behind her and pull her close to my body. My arms stayed in my sleeping bag because I did not wish to expose them to the chill but her shivering stopped after a few minutes. I imagined the others were curled up with each other doing the same thing but mostly my mind settled on the thought of me simply being close to Katniss.

I drifted off to sleep and woke up that morning to heavy footsteps and strange noises outside of the shelter. "Katniss." My voice was low as I tried to wake her up. "Katniss."

She stirred before turning over towards me, causing our faces to become dangerously close. Her gray eyes opened wide and she pulled away quickly. "Johanna?"

I smirked at our faces being so close making her uncomfortable but it was also disappointing because I wanted to kiss her so badly. "There are noises outside the shelter."

Katniss slowly sat up and looked out the shelter. "Ponies. You woke me up because the ponies scared you."

"What?" I shot up and blinked in confusion as I looked at a small herd of feral animals. "I was not expecting that." They were grazing around the large rocks that the shelter was on and surrounded by. There were so many of different colors: light brown, dark brown, spotted, a light red. The noises I heard were them snorting.

"Go back to sleep. It is still too early." Katniss lay back down and rolled over away from me as she fell back asleep for another hour. I lay there wide awake though, listening to the feral animals and replaying how close her lips were to mine.

* * *

That day was mostly downhill in the hiking sense. It was scenic, with the trail going through grassland, occasionally veering back into the woods for a few hundred yards. There were rocks and boulder scattered everywhere along the path. The rocks seemed to come from nowhere, causing all of us to consistently trip ever few steps.

That night and the next day were uneventful. The Grayson Highlands proved to be filled with beautiful views of the surrounding ridges and valleys. As we exited the Highlands, we arrived at the well known Partnership Shelter. It was well known because of its glorious amenities.

It had running water, showers, functioning toilets, and hikers could order pizza for delivery thanks to its location being right off the highway. As expected, there were other hikers there enjoying the shelter. It looked fairly new, probably being updated only a handful of years previous.

We all took showers, including myself. It took some persuading but Finnick and Katniss finally convinced me that no one would be busting in to cause trouble. And like all the other showers I took, it was quick without any dawdling. Images and flashbacks would creep into my mind if I stayed for too long. Maybe the future would dull those memories. If one thing was certain, it was that they would not be going away but if my body could learn to cope better than a lot of moments in my life would be happier. All in all, it was just one more thing to work on while in the middle of the mountains.

After we were clean, we ordered four large pizzas for the five of us. Finnick and I raced to see if we could finish a whole pizza. We tied with one piece left after fifteen minutes but I refused to lose. I grabbed the final piece and began taking small bites. My jaw was tired and my body yelled at me for continuing. There was a slight chance I could puke.

"Give up, Axes. You're not going to finish that piece. You know an unfinished piece counts as a forfeit." Finnick burped and stared me down, watching me chew each bite. I chewed with deliberation. I chewed with stubbornness. I was too proud to lose and this would be my claim to taking over the food eating bragging rights.

Cressida was happily filming the event, laughing at the ridiculous intensity. Katniss and Annie sat in silence as they watched us each devour our own large pizza. If it was one thing we had in common, Finnick and I could put down food, especially after a day of hiking.

There was only a long piece of crust left. I stared at it in pain. My stomach was yelling to stop but my heart and mind refused to lose. I took a couple of large bites and swallowed to final one, regretting every movement of my jaw. It sat heavily in my stomach as I threw my arms in the air, fist clenched in victory. "I win!"

Finnick nodded and gave me a high-five. "Very impressive!"

Katniss suddenly stood up and walked out of the shelter with her cell phone in hand. She sat on the empty picnic table and out of curiosity, I moved towards the edge of the shelter until I could hear her faintly speaking.

She talked with her mom about the hike so far and the weekend in Damascus. She asked about her sister Prim and the two guys she once told me about, Peeta and Gale. Then there was a part of the discussion I couldn't believe I was hearing. Katniss started off talking about the lot of us and eventually moved to only talking about me.

"Yeah, her name is Johanna but we call her Axes… No, no. Not Axis, but Axes, like an axe that you chop wood with." She chuckled. "Well, she carries an axe on her hip. She is kind of intimidating. Very boisterous, loud at times, but she is stoic behind all of that… Actually, she is shorter than me, thin but built… I like her. She lost her father as well so we can relate and she's realistic about things. Not like everyone else who tries to comfort and pity me."

I watched as she nodded and looked up at the sky.

"What do you mean by that?... I don't know yet but there is a pit in my stomach whenever we talk… No, she does not know that… Yeah, she is bisexual… I don't know… I don't know that either… Mom, quit asking all of these questions. It's only been a month and-…. I know I spend twenty-four hours with her but I don't want to make things weird. This is a good group and I don't want to go back to hiking alone. That was miserable…. Okay, can I talk with Prim really quick?... Thanks. I love you too. See you in a few months."

There was a moment of waiting before she started talking again. "Hi little duck, how are you?" The nickname she had for her sister made me miss mine. "I am great. I miss you a bunch. How is school?... Holy cow. When did you get so smart?... Okay, well, get some sleep and have a good day at school tomorrow. I'll see you soon… Love you too, little duck. Good night." Katniss waited for a response before hanging up. She stayed sitting at the picnic bench to look up at the stars.

I looked up as well but instead saw a wooden ceiling of the floor board above me. The one side of the conversation I heard was enough to tell me what was going on. Katniss had underlying feelings towards me. I had not been imagining it and I had not over-processed our silent interactions. Knowing only made the situation harder though.

* * *

I woke up to a flailing arm hitting me in the face. Cuss words fell from my mouth as I smacked the arm away. The sound of tossing and turning filled the air. It took me a moment to realize who it was before rolling over to see Katniss in a slight state of distress.

Without thought, I grabbed her right arm as it twitched and held it firmly against while wrapping my arm around her. There was a few seconds of her fighting against me until she sunk her face into my shoulder, mumbling incoherent words. For once it was her having the distraught night terrors and I could only do what she did for me: hold her until she calmed down.

When the morning came, I was laying on my back with her head rested heavily on my chest and arm draped across my stomach. My hand rested on her upper arm as I looked down at her. She looked peaceful with her eyes shut and mouth slightly open. Her eyebrows twitched. Her tan skin looked smooth and her hair tickled my nose. Without thinking, I pressed my lips to her forehead.

My body froze when I realized what I had done. I just kissed her on the forehead. To make things inconspicuous, I sat up abruptly and immediately got out of my sleeping bag to pull on my boots.

Katniss' head hit the ground and she startled awake. It was my fault but I didn't want to be caught in the act of affection. Even with my fiancé I was never affectionate. I didn't kiss people on foreheads or hold hands while walking. Affectionate things all seemed illogical to me for a multitude of reasons.

I untied my pack from the ceiling hook and started rolling my sleeping bag to put inside. Once done, I walked out into the cold morning air and sat on top of the picnic table, eating four granola bars while watching the rest of the sunrise. It had been a long time since I felt the rush of feelings I got when I looked at Katniss. I had never really felt them ever at all. It finally made sense to why I broke off my engagement; I was never in love with him, only comfortable.

* * *

We passed through Atkins, Virginia the next night and continued on down the trail for five days until we reached Pearisburg, Virginia. The Commonwealth held just over five hundred and fifty miles of the trail. It was a long and exhausting section of the hike and most hikers seemed to break down at this point due to the time spent in one state. It felt as if you were spending days getting absolutely nowhere.

The group was doing just fine though. We all hiked along and kept a close eye on one another. Hikes began to blend into each other and none of us really knew what day it was anymore. It was early June, we knew that much but otherwise we kept to the schedule that would have us where we needed to be.

Time on the trail passed both quickly and slowly, depending on which way you thought about it. It had been forty-six days now and it felt like I had just made my first steps on the trail two weeks ago. My feet were pushing me just under six hundred and thirty miles. This is where time seemed slow. I had hiked that many miles and still had a month left before reaching the halfway point. It was this kind of thinking that made hikers hit the wall and question why they started in the first place and question if they could ever finish. I knew I was going to finish because where else did I have to go other than Mount Katahdin? Whether or not I would have the others with me was the bigger question.


	7. McAfee Knob

Day forty-seven was particularly awful. It was definitely the worst day we had yet to experience on the trail. There was a light rain when we woke up, which automatically put me in a bad mood and made me angrier. We were scheduled to hike just over nineteen miles, majority of it being a two-thousand foot climb in elevation.

I zipped up my jacket, put the hood over my head, and started down the trail without a single word. I no longer feared water but the strong taste of disdain still made it unpleasant. The trail started off flat and simple but a few miles in the elevation started to increase quickly. We pulled ourselves up the switchbacks, looking carefully for slick mud and moss covered rocks. The hiking sticks helped but often caked up with thick mud.

“Ouch!”

I stopped and looked behind to see Annie standing still, favoring her left foot. Finnick and Katniss immediately ran to her and Cressida followed with her stupid camera turned on.   
“What happened?” Finnick looked worried and helped her stay balanced.

“I think I have a blister. I stepped down and pain shot through my entire foot. I can’t put pressure on my heel.” She tried to but instantly favored her foot again.  
I stood there watching, wishing we could just continue. It was miserable walking in the rain, let alone standing still.

“Well, we can try to pop it but it might become infected, especially with the rain right now. It needs to stay dry.” Katniss looked between them all. She seemed knowledgeable about injuries, both minor and major.

They continued to stand around and make the entire situation overwhelming. “What are we doing then? The longer we stand around, the more behind we are getting.” I looked at them as they all stared up at me in disbelief. “What? It’s a blister.”

“Johanna.” Finnick looked at me with a straight face, a complete opposite of his usual demeanor.

“I’m trying to get us to our next stopping point and you are all standing around like you have never had to deal with a blister before. Fucking deal and let’s go.” I took a step forward to find Katniss standing in front of me.

“Are you actually acting like this right now? She’s hurt!”

“She’s hurt so take care of it. Quit standing around like a bunch of dumbasses repeating that she has a blister to each other. You are fucking wasting my damn time.” I moved closer to Katniss, daring her to become confrontational with me. “Fucking… do… something. We have only made it three damn miles out of nineteen. Let’s fix up Miss I Can’t Walk Because My Foot Hurts over there.”

“Lay off her!” Katniss stepped forward and slammed her palms into my chest, pushing me backwards. I went to respond but she pushed at me again, grabbing at my jacket this time.

“What are you doing?” I screamed as she pulled me to the ground. Without another word, my hand went flying across her face just as Finnick pulled her off of me. Her cheek was already red with an imprint of my fingers. 

“Stop it!” Finnick yelled at us.

There was no stopping though. I unbuckled my pack and stood up, lunging forward to attack Katniss. Finnick pushed her aside and grabbed me, hefting my body over his shoulders before reaching down to grab my pack from the ground. “You all stay here. I’ll be back.” I pounded my fists into his back, screaming and cussing at Katniss as he walked up the trail. 

We made it to where the trail evened out and Finnick put me down in the mud. He placed my pack next to me, glaring downward. “You need to calm down. We all know how much you dislike the rain and how much better it would be for you if it never rained ever again. But, guess what, this is nature and it will rain and you accepted that fact when you decided to hike away your problems. This is one of your problems, so figure it out! For now, you stay here. You do not move. The rest of us will be up here soon. Cool off.”  
I looked up at him with anger but he didn’t think a single thing of it.

“Also, you will never talk to Annie like that ever again. She’s not going anywhere, Jo. And if you want us to still be friends after this, her being with me is one thing you will have to live with.” He walked back down to the trail without another comment. I sat there in the mud in disbelief. Anger still stirred inside of me so I trekked into the forest and found a sturdy tree. I walked ten paces before taking out my axe and throwing it with every ounce of strength I could. The blade buried itself deep into the wood and I continued this until my arm was tired.

They appeared about half an hour later, with Annie walking slowly. She was putting weight on her foot. I didn’t bother to ask what they decided to do about the blister; I just took my place for the day in front of the group. Katniss was behind me and still had a red mark across her face. 

We stopped early at a different shelter only seven miles into the hike in order to let the open blister dry out. I spent my time in the shelter, not wanting to interact with any of them, even after the rain cleared up. 

Katniss eventually sat down next to me though. “I’m sorry about earlier.”

“Don’t apologize. Shit happens.”

“I just- I know attacking you was not the-“

“I said no need to apologize. You’re not the only person in the world that would love to throw me down in a pile of mud.” I cocked my head to the side to look at Katniss, catching a small smirk across her mouth.

She sighed and looked back with a serious look. “Bunkmates still?”

This was the first time either of us even mentioned our sleeping situation. “The last time we spoke, I about ripped your throat out. You’re not afraid I’ll kill you tonight?”

“Please, like I couldn’t take you.” Katniss winked and patted my shoulder before standing up and walking outside. She was unbearably innocent but strong. At that moment, I was pretty sure that she did not realize that the entire world was at her feet.

The next three days went a lot better. We passed a group of hikers carrying extra blister pads so Annie was able to start hiking at a regular pace again. We moved quick to catch up with miles lost, adding on to the day’s previous plan. The trail stayed rough with rocks and weathered path. There were a few sections with slight climbs but the wilderness was spectacular. The trail was secluded along this corridor which was a nice change. There were zero tourists and we nearly had the entire part to ourselves.

Once we reached McAfee Knob though, people appeared once again. Lots of day hikers and fellow thru-hikers took advantage of the view. Many of them filed out as dusk began to hit but we stayed and watched the sunset, sitting on the edge of the rocky outcrop. This was the most photographed part of the Appalachian Trail and it made sense.  
The outlook sat on Catawba Mountain in the Catawba Valley, just miles from the small city of Roanoke. It was the best view on the trail yet. Below us was a valley with a river cutting through it and small houses on plots of land. Grassy fields and young trees covered the area. The mountains rose on the sides, the mature timber towering high into the air. 

To the east, the sky was purple and blue and to the west, where the sun was setting, it was orange, yellow, and red. The faces of the mountains that looked out to the west glowed as if they were on fire. On the other side and in the far distance, they were blue. This was an unknown wonder to the world.   
As I looked out, admiring the nature in its glory, I got a warm feeling in my stomach. These mountains felt like home. And my mind wondered to how many others this was home to? How many before me called this trail and these mountains their home? In this moment, my past didn’t hurt as much as it used to. Comfort took the place of that pain and I genuinely smiled at the feeling. 

Katniss poked her elbow at my side before resting her head on my shoulder. I moved my head to the side and glanced down at her. She was a piece of the comfort and it was time that she knew that. I reached around her back and rested my hand on her side, pulling her closer. “We should come back and see the sunrise tomorrow morning.” I whispered to her to make sure no one else would hear my suggestion. She gave me a simple nod in response.

 

That morning we both woke up right as the sky started to become light and silently left the shelter. There was only silence as we backtracked a few miles to the outlook. We sat down facing the east and shivered as the coldness of the rock soaked through our pants.

The sky was turning light blue as the sun began to peak over the mountains. Below us were clouds, covering all but a few ridges and peaks. There were a few birds giving wake up calls and a pileated woodpecker in the far distance. Our shoulders touched and our legs were close to one another as they dangled over the rock ledge. I looked over at Katniss, watching her admire the view. The light of the sun poked into her grey eyes, making them shine.

“Can I share something with you?” My heart thumped loudly in my chest as she turned to acknowledge my question.

“Sure. No need to ask first though.” No, I needed to ask first. This was my do or die moment. Not once had I been so nervous talking to someone.

“I… I am really shitty with words, believe it or not. Majority of the time I just end up failing and saying ever damn cuss word when I am as nervous as I am now. And, I feel…,” the words were stuck in my mouth. It felt like it was filled with gauze as it dried up.

Then Katniss placed her hand on mine, resting them both in my lap. She smiled at me. “Just say whatever it is you need to say. Why are you nervous?”

Most of the time I spoke without thinking so why couldn’t I now. My mind began to race, wondering if she was actually as oblivious as she seemed to what I was getting ready to say. “I think you’re okay.” My heart sunk into my stomach and I closed my eyes in frustration. “That’s not what I fucking meant. I meant that you are, I like, but, a lot. Fuck! Why is this so hard?”

She looked at me like I was crazy. At that point, I wanted to just fall off the cliff with embarrassment. But I took a deep breath and watched the sunrise. I imagined that she was not staring at me intensely with those eyes I had already come to love so much. “I like you, a lot, and not just in a hiking friend kind of way. But, in a I can’t walk another mile without you knowing how I feel because I honestly fell for you the moment I saw you and that scared me considering everything that has gone on in my recent past and I-“

“Jo, slow down.” She stopped me and continued to focus her energy in my direction. “I like you too.” Her hand squeezed mine and my anxiety lessened.

My confidence returned in full-force as I leaned towards her, my face moving but an inch away from hers. Our lips almost grazed each other. She didn’t move though. “How much would you hate me if I kissed you right now?”

Her eyes were closed. “Not at all.”

I pushed my lips against hers and she pushed back at mine. My free arm wrapped behind her, pulling her in to me as I leaned back until we were lying down. Her lips were everything I imagined and more. They were full and soft and filled with love. They warmed me, catching me on fire as we kissed each other repeatedly, slowly. My hand moved up her back and to the back of her neck into her hair. The soft strands ran through my fingers like silk. 

This felt like a revival. The jaded feeling of love disappeared as I kissed Katniss. And I knew in this moment that I would do anything for her. I would go through hell and back to be with her and luckily for me, I had already been through hell. Now I was here and this wasn’t a dream I would suddenly jump awake from.

Katniss pulled away and smiled down at me. Her lips had never formed such a perfect shape before but it was contagious as I smiled back up at her. I moved a few lose strands of hair behind her hair. “We should head back before everyone wakes up.”

“Yeah. We should.” She stood up and grabbed my hand, pulling me to my feet. We walked back to the shelter in contented silence but when we arrived, everyone in the group was sitting at the picnic table. They looked over at us with smug smiles. 

Finnick was the first to chime in. “Did you two go watch the sunrise?”

“Yeah, got a problem with that?” My hand rested on my hip as I stared him down.

“Not one bit. Did you enjoy it? Did you like when the sun kissed the sky?” I wanted to smack the smile right off of his face. “Cressida went there to film the sunrise to compliment the sunset video last night and saw you two lovebirds kissing.”

I looked over at Katniss and saw that she was blushing. “And?”

The man continued to give me his arrogant look. “Nothing. Just wanted to know if anything is going on between you two. I had suspected it.”

“It is none of your damn business and if you knew what was best for you, you would stay out of it.” I marched to the now empty shelter and grabbed my pack, pulling out my granola bars. Katniss followed me in.

“Thanks for not saying anything yet.”

“Yeah, no problem.” My reply was probably more nonchalant than she wanted to hear. “It really is none of their business, only ours.”

She nodded. “I like it that way.”

“Good, so do I.” I stole a quick kiss from her before joining everyone at the picnic table.

 

The fifteen mile hike to Daleville, Virginia was not too bad. We hiked down a steep valley and then made our way over three peaks before a large decline that led us into town. Our first stop was the post office right before it closed. The other four had boxes waiting for them full of extra supplies and food. When they realized that I did have a box, they all looked at each other.

“We will get you a box in the morning to send off to the next location.” Finnick patted me on the shoulder with the intention of comfort. It didn’t bother me except that every one of their boxes had something from their families in it. That was a ridiculous thing to be bothered by. Jealousy was not the problem, just the simple fact that I continued to miss my father and both of my sisters. 

I shook it off. “I don’t need a box to send from place to place. I already have all of my supplies with me. What the hell am I going to send to myself?”

“I take it back then. No boxes for you.” He moved his box away from me and I punched him in the arm. “Ow! Will you stop that?”

“When you stop being such an ass.” 

“Jo, I have a letter for you in my box.” Katniss looked up at me with an envelope in her hand. “It’s from Prim.”

I looked at Katniss in confusion before accepting the letter that she extended towards me. It was sealed in a bright pink paper envelope. I stepped away from the group before opening the small written gift. Inside was a folded up piece of white printer paper.

‘Johanna,  
I hope you have doing well and are protecting my sister from any bears. She has talked about you a lot when she gets a chance to call. I hope you are as good of a person as she thinks. My mom and I packed you a box of granola bars and a chocolate bar for you, so make sure Katniss doesn’t eat them but gives them to you instead. Have a safe hike and we hope to meet you in Vermont!  
Prim and Mrs. Everdeen'

The letter made me smile, even though there was a slight threat inside. Katniss thought I was a good person. There were days where I didn’t feel like a very good person. There were days where I felt like I did nothing at all to make the world even a small percentage better and just made it completely worse. But, Katniss thought I was a good person and that was enough to make me feel like a quality person, even if for a brief moment.

Remembering that there was food with my name on it, my eyes glanced up from the letter. “There is food in that box for me!”

“I know. It literally has your name on it, calm down.” Katniss already had it pulled out and handed the small box and chocolate bar over to me. I cherished my gift from her family. They were loving just my father and sisters, which made the feeling of home hit me in the chest. It felt warm. I still had nowhere in particular to go in the world but I was starting to feel home to the world. Like Nature was finally telling me that I was at least on the right path to finding my purpose and reasoning.

**Author's Note:**

> Please send reviews and comments. I love the feedback. :)  
> Find me on tumblr at d7victor.


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